You Can't Fly If You Don't Jump

 

I have received many requests for an update on Stepping Stone Academy!  I am honored to oblige those requests - thanks for caring!

If you want to catch up on what has already happened...

Jump Into Your Purpose

Baby Steps for Stepping Stone

Making Mountains Out of Stepping Stones


The funny part for me is going back and reading those posts...and shaking my head at myself for being SO naïve.  I had no idea what I was getting into...or how much I would LOVE it.

This journey is, by far, the most exhausting, stressful, and Holy-Wow complicated thing that I have ever taken on.  And yes, that includes having two small children (ask me about this when they are teenagers, and I may change my answer).

I recently posted to the blog's Facebook page that I had 2 weeks to be DONE, and my Social Services application turned in.  Since then I have gotten a lot of "WHAT?!" feedback, so allow me to explain:

Social Services is a state agency.

Understand now? 

In all of their wisdom and beautiful bureaucracy, Social Services needs me to accomplish about 6 months worth of work in about 2 weeks of "real world" time.  Why?  So that they can have their full 60 days of leisure to approve it all.  Otherwise, I risk not being approved before our target opening date of September 2.

My one teeny problem with this:  I have been calling and e-mailing the same Social Services office, talking to the same people, asking questions (stupid ones, if I am to judge by their attitude when answering them) and slaving away through the night, EVERY NIGHT, for two months now on all of the crap that they are demanding of me....and you don't think this could have come up before now?!

The mistake that the licensing agent made was acting incredulous when I told her "No problem," she could expect me to show up to my orientation program on July 8 with my application in hand.

She scoffed at me.  I could hear it.  Right through the phone. 

Challenge accepted.

Any energy, perseverance, or sweat that I had invested over the last 8 weeks looked like a total joke when compared to the aftermath of that conversation. 

I am 100% aware that my reaction to this challenge is unhealthy.  The amount of determination I am suffering from is borderline "Lock her up in the padded room!"  In my defense, however, I shared with a friend that I thought I might be kind of crazy, and we ultimately determined that if I was truly crazy...I probably wouldn't realize it.  Therefore, since I AM aware that my behavior is erratic and abnormal - I am not actually crazy.  Do not argue with this.  It has been decided, and I am not open to disputes.

Sleep has been pretty much eliminated from my routine.  No time for such a waste of precious hours.  My meals, when I do remember to eat, have consisted of whatever I can eat with one hand while typing, holding a phone, or driving with the other.  My children have sought shelter at their grandparents' or babysitter's house during the day, climb all over me and sit on my head while I type or make phone calls during the evening, and sleep soundly while I work through the night.  They are annoyed with me, to say the least, but I have explained to them that Mommy has to be a busy jerk for a few weeks, and we will be back to normal soon. They totally understand (No, they don't) and therefore, behave like angels (No, they don't) and certainly don't do crazy, wild things to try and get my attention (Yes, they do).  My mantra right now?  "We will ALL survive this."

So basically, I suck as a mom right now, but I am kicking this application's ass...kind of...sort of...mostly.

You may be wondering what exactly does "the application" mean - what's so terrible about filling out an application?  People do it all the time.  You apply for jobs, credit cards, whatever - we all do it.

The application for licensing a Child Day Center with the state is not just a form to be filled out, however.  I mean, there is a form that you have to fill out (several pages long, in fact), but it's all of the "required attachments" that get you...

Social Services Required Attachments for Initial Licensure:

VA State Corporation Commission Certificate - This is the certificate that you get when you register your business with the State. Check!


Business License - This one was easy.  I just went to the Town Hall, filled out a form, and wrote a check...after I calculated my "expected" revenue for September-December 2014.

Character Reference Letters from 3 people that are not related to you by blood or marriage - I actually had four AWESOME friends who got these to me within a couple of days of me asking for them.  THANK YOU times a million for y'all's awesomeness!  


Annual Operating Budget - HA!  I am tempted to slap my whole bajillion-paged business plan with 3 YEARS of annual budget and cash flow projections on their desk!  I can take zero credit for the numbers, that was totally the CPA from the business center and the credit analyst from the bank, but still - BOOM!  THANK YOU, totally patient CPA and Credit Analyst!  I promise I'm not as dumb as our conversations while constructing this document made me feel.


Evidence of Insurance - My "insurance lady" is on it!  THANK YOU super nice insurance lady who was willing to put up with me calling and saying "Hey...I need insurance...TODAY."


Credit Reference Letter from a Bank - Because the bank that I am working with on this is THE best bank with THE best people ever....the V.P. whipped this up for me this afternoon.  Another big THANK YOU goes here!

Operating Agreement - In your face Social Services!  I already went on Legal Zoom and got one of these for my loan process.  Next!

Asbestos Statement from an Asbestos Inspector - Nice try Social Services, but I asked my bank pals for this weeks ago and we just got it in the mail yesterday.  

Written statement of organization (who is responsible for what) - Yeah, I'm just going to whip up a flow chart for this one.  It'll say:

Employees' Responsibilities = The kids, DUH. 

M's responsibilities = Everything else...oh, and the kids.  Questions?

Signed Sworn Disclosure Statement - This is a redundant form that you are required to fill out and sign, swearing that you haven't committed any crimes.  You turn it in along with your background check....which is proof that you haven't committed any crimes...wait...what...  Never mind.  Printed it.  Signed it.  Done.

Staff Information Sheet - This is a piece of paper that you list your employees on.  At this point, I feel like they are just making random requests for trivial documentation.  This is uncomfortably familiar from being a classroom teacher in a public school....

Copies of any brochures to be used - Really?  You need to see my marketing materials?  I just....*siiiiiigh*  YeahOKSure.  Why not?

Daily Schedule for each age group - Oh dang, I need a schedule!  I was just going to let all of the kids run around and bounce off of each other all day.  I better get on that.  *eye roll*


Inventory of all indoor and outdoor play equipment - When I read this, I thought that I was misunderstanding it - you are probably thinking the same thing.  "Does that mean an actual list of EVERYTHING in the building that the kids can play with (every toy, how many books for each age group, what games, every DVD, CD, piece of sports equipment...)?"  Yes. Yes. It. Does. 

Criminal History Record Check - This has been sent to the State Police and I'm waiting for it to come back....and sweating every time I check the mailbox and it's not there.

Child Protective Services Central Registry Check - Well, if you can believe it, this is a form that has to be mailed to Social Services...and I have to wait to get it back...so that I can turn it in to THEM with my application.  Yeah...try to figure that out.  Actually, don't.  Don't waste the energy.

Building Inspector’s Report - Building should be ready for inspection any day!  Woo Hoo!

Fire Inspection Report - I have a meeting with the Fire Chief on Friday to schedule an inspection and to go over my Emergency Preparedness Plan.  That's another gem of a document that I'm expected to produce.

Department of Health Inspection Report - I called to schedule this and they were like, "Yeeeaaah, you don't need an appointment.  We'll just come out there whenever you're ready."  Ummm, thank you for making that 5 minutes of my life stress-free, you beautiful people!

Floor Plans/Site Plans - I submitted these to Social Services 3 WEEKS ago for the pre-approval process...and this will shock you...I have still not gotten anything back.  It very clearly said on the paperwork that I would get a response in 10 business days.  When I called (and called...and called) and finally got a hold of the Inspector who has them, I was basically told that they were really busy.  When I questioned the licensing office about that, I was again told that they were really busy and it just wasn't a priority.  Nice.

Copies of all forms to be used - Wait...Every form that I will use at the Academy?  For everything that requires a form?  Yes.  Yes, that is what that means.  And in case you want to know how many forms that is... I don't know.  I haven't counted them all, but they are currently occupying a decent sized chunk of my flash drive.

Copy of Policies & Procedures - This is a work in progress.  I'm about a dozen pages deep on the Stepping Stone Academy Staff Handbook and close to the same with the Parent Handbook.  Not even close to done.  Now you understand the constant typing...and the development of what I am fairly certain is carpal tunnel in my elbows.

List of the Director’s Qualifications - How about "I managed to complete this application...without even being rude to ANY of the super snarky people at the Social Services office.  THAT = Qualified." (I have actually been overly nice, even when they are straight-up nasty to me...because I'm kind of scared that they'll "lose" my files if I retaliate.  I feel like there's potential for that to be a real "deep end" moment for me, and I'm trying to avoid it.)  Or I'll just attach a copy of my VA State Teaching License and the Certificate of Completion from the online Director's course that I'm taking.  Either/or, really.
 

Soooo....not your typical "application" after all.
 

Do not mistake this blog post for a complaint, however!  I have learned a lot about myself in just the short time that I started this journey.  For one, I discovered the gift disorder that I possess suffer from.  I'm a challenge junkie.  (Here we go!  Another thing that needs a support group!  See (Awkward Anonymous) The sense of accomplishment each time I mark something off of the list, and realize that I am one little baby step closer to making things happen...it's amazing. 

I have also learned a lot about the people in my life.  There were some who disappointed me, who were unable to find joy in my new adventure, or who tried to use me for their own benefit.  They are greatly overshadowed, however, by the rest.  I have been touched by the amount of support that I have received, the number of people that are willing to help me, and how much happiness people have displayed for me. 

So maybe I am a little stressed, tired, and overwhelmed. 

No really, "maybe" I am - I have no idea, I don't have time to decide.  All I do know is that I feel filled with a purpose, driven towards accomplishing something that will mean even more to others than it will to me, and surrounded by good people willing to share in my journey.

By the way, I hope all of those super supportive people will show up when I do an "all-call" for volunteers to put together furniture and inventory equipment next week. :))
 

♥M

Dear Toxic People of the World

 

We all know someone who just CAN'T be happy.  It doesn't matter what they have or how much people do for them - they refuse to acknowledge joy or accept love in this world.  Those people are toxic...and they will do nothing but suck the good out of your life.

What makes a person toxic?  Not enough hugs as a child?  A missing chemical in their brain?  An intolerance for life's stress?

I have no idea.

There are signs that a person is a toxic force in your life, however. 

1. They are rarely grateful.  The words "Thank you" are rarely passed through their lips.  In their mind, anything you have done for them is something that they "deserved" anyway.  So why be grateful?

2. They have a distorted concept of "truth."  A toxic person usually has a different "version" of most anything that has happened.  They also tend to hear the same thing you did, but interpret it in an entirely different way - resulting in them having a whole different "truth" to yours.

3. They can never tell you what they want.  You will never be able to satisfy a toxic person, because you will never truly know what it is that they want.  Why?  Because THEY don't even know.  As soon as you think you understand what will make them happy, they decide that's not enough, or is the wrong thing.

4. They have no sense of empathy for strangers.  They see a person who looks "needy" and is disgusted by them without wondering how they got that way.  They see a child acting badly and scorn their parents without considering their personal situation.  They hear a story on the news about a tragedy in someone else's life and assume it was their fault. 

5. They rarely confront people, but will always tell you how they feel ABOUT that person...behind their back.  They may go as far as giving someone the cold shoulder or even cutting off communication altogether.  But explain why, or bother to talk to the person about what they even got upset about to begin with?  Forget it.

6. They are completely ignorant to anything happening in anyone else's life.  Someone got engaged?  Has been sick?  Announced they're pregnant?  Lost a family member?  Got a promotion?  Lost their job?  Bought a new house?  Well...even if they did know about it...they don't care. 

7. They don't fight fair.  If they do end up in a confrontation with you, please don't expect a toxic person to keep their blows above the belt.  They will rely on any and every hurtful thing they can conjure up to inflict pain.  It doesn't have to be valid or even true - they will use it to hurt you.

8. They have zero ambition.  They are satisfied with believing that life sucks and will never get any better.  They are content with being Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh and are annoyed with you for ever suggesting that their is a silver lining in any situation. 

9.  Their life is nothing but a series of misfortunes.  They cannot possibly be expected to feel happy for anyone else, or pity anyone else's misfortunes, because they have so many of their own.

10. They are vindictive.  Reality never actually comes into play here - they only have to believe in their head that you have wronged them.  Any punches that can be pulled to "get back" at you will be pulled. 

If you are seeking some type of advice or words of wisdom about changing this kind of person - STOP!  The only person's behavior that you can change is your own. 

This may mean removing yourself from the relationship.  This may mean seeking professional help.  This may mean staying in the relationship, but learning how to keep an "emotional distance" from that person.  Whatever your course of action - do not think that you are going to change them, or that it is even your responsibility to do so.

The only way to maintain your sanity and preserve your life's energy:  avoid them, set boundaries, get over your guilt, and do not defend yourself. 

"Don't defend myself?!" 

No.  Don't do it. 

There are two reasons for that.  1) You don't owe them an explanation for what they perceive as your shortcomings.  2) You are wasting your breath because their reality is different from yours anyway.

This will go against your very nature - it does mine!  I personally feel the need to explain myself to any and every person that may be dissatisfied with me.  I have this human need to be understood and liked by all people.  Toxic people do not deserve your explanations, however.  They will not understand your reasons.  They will not accept your logic.

So go against your inner grain.  Shut the door on the toxic forces in your life.  Celebrate your successes, relish in your blessings, and be happy with what you have and who you love.  Do not allow the poison that is a toxic person to take away from what you have and the love you have to offer. 

Be happy.  And make no excuses for it.

"People inspire you, or they drain you - pick them wisely."  - Hans Hansen

♥M

The Life Cycle of Laundry

We have an established pattern around this castle with our laundry system.  It goes as follows:

1) I wash everything in the whole house that can be balled up to a size smaller than the circumference of the washing machine door.
2) I keep up with regular, follow-up loads for a period of time. 
3) One terrible day, I wake up and discover that the dirty laundry has bred during the night and there is a Mount Clothes-erest in my laundry room. 
4) I spend a whole day doing laundry, thus starting the cycle all over again.

Today was the end of a cycle, meaning that I spent from sunup until now (well, whenever that last load finishes...) washing every textile in this house.  This day in the laundry sequence always makes me extremely grouchy - not BECAUSE I'm doing laundry, but because of what I FIND in the laundry.  Today's treasures included Dora the Explorer knee pads, 4 stuffed animals, a set of sheets that I had washed, dried, folded and set out to be put on the kids' bed, but had been returned to the hamper instead, and best of all: an entire bag of clean clothes that the kids had left at my mom's house, and she had washed and returned.  An. Entire. Bag. Of. Clean. Clothes.

It doesn't matter if it WAS clean, it just sat in the laundry room for a week in a pile of dirty clothes and now I have to wash it all AGAIN. 

The best part about spending the whole day doing laundry is that you have no evidence of anything being accomplished when you are done.  All of your hard work is folded up and put away in drawers or hung up in the closets.  Today, the rest of the house looked like a disaster response team should be called in because I pretty much ignored all of the other messes the kids were making all day while I was folding clothes.  I surveyed the remnants of a blanket fort, the knee deep pile of toys in the kids' room, the stickers all over the couch, and the trail of crushed pretzel dust from Jace driving her tricycle repeatedly over a rogue pretzel in the kitchen floor that had missed the dustpan in a maintenance sweep earlier.  Hmmm...I decided to call and prepare the hubs for this before he got home.  I wanted to save him from himself, and eliminate the risk that he may walk in and say something really stupid like, "Hey, this place is a wreck - what did you DO all day?!" 

"Hey babe, FYI the house is a wreck, but I got ALL of that laundry done!"
"That's cool... Wait, the house is so bad you called me?!  Do I need a hazmat suit or something?"
"Not quite."  (I described the scene.)
"Oh, well I'm not going to be home for like, an hour so...."
"Stop.talking.now.I.don't.want.to.have.to.kill.you.in.your.sleep...Ok.love.you.byeee!"

Phew.  Good thing I called him.

There's another phone call I need to make, though.  I need to call MY mom.  The woman who did MY laundry (and four other people's too) for 17 years.

I need to tell her THANK YOU for the following:

-every stain she removed.

-every tube of chapstick, balled up piece of paper, and handful of change that she rescued from our pants pockets (or rocks, dandelions, Barbie shoes, chunks of dried Play-doh...).

-every shirt that she turned right-side out to fold (especially the long-sleeved ones).

-every clean item that she probably washed about 3 times before we actually put it away or wore it.

-every wet towel she found in the floor...or on the bed...or behind the door...

-alllll of the socks that she ever unballed before putting them in the washer.

-every missing sock she found in a random place around the house while cleaning, and returned to it's home - clean - without anyone even noticing.

-actually, for just even allowing us to wear socks....because I'm seriously thinking about banning them altogether in this crash pad.

-anything she ever had to "sniff-check" to see if it was really dirty, or just got thrown in the floor.


Ok, the last load is done!  Now it is time for me to make my traditional declaration - the avowal that I make at this juncture of the laundry cycle each and every time:

I will NEVER let this pile get this big again. (HA!)

Also, I hung a sign on each of the dressers that says "If you unfold/remove any of the items in these drawers for any reason other than to put it onto your body and wear it for an entire day - I will cut you."


♥M

Please Read If You Happen to Work For The Devil

First, let's establish that I am writing this list for no reason whatsoever.  Well, except to warn people that you should not (I repeat - do NOT) say any of these things to your employer. 

So it’s kind of, sort of a totally random public service announcement…

Things that you can’t say to your boss or you will get SUPER fired:

1. "How was Mr./Mrs. Satan this morning, when you left home?"

2. "Did they have career counseling at your college or university?"

3. Frantically run into his/her office in the morning and shout, "I changed my mind! You didn't drink your coffee yet, did you?!"
4. "You probably don't get, 'Be yourself!' a lot, do you?"

5.

6. "Would it upset you to know that I have garlic cloves, a wooden stake, and a hand mirror behind my back?"

7. "How do you fit all of those snakes under your wig!?"

8. "Have you been drinking before work again?"

9. "I thought of you while I was unclogging my toilet the other day."

10.

11. "I'm not sure what's wrong with you, but I'm betting it's hard to pronounce."

12. "Everyone is good at something! I'm sorry you're 'thing' is making people miserable."

13. "I suppose if you just keep talking, eventually something intelligent will come out."

14. "Can I share a thought with you, or would you have any where to put it?"

15.

16. "I've noticed that your reality and mine seem to keep missing each other..."

17. "If  you haven't had the time, I can run to the drugstore for you and pick up refills of any meds that you may have recently stopped taking..."

18. "I hope you enjoyed your business trip!  The rest of us did!"

19. "I'm not sure why I seem to be learning more from your mistakes than you do..."

20.

♥M

50 Things That Make Me Feel As If I’m Being Punished By a Slow Death

Sitting outside of my daughter’s dance class, listening to her cry about me not sitting IN the dance class with her (again)…after being in dance WITHOUT crying for almost 3 years…has inspired me to pop my earbuds in and write a list of things that make me cringe. 

50 Things That Make Me Feel As If I’m Being Punished By a Slow Death:

1.       Letting my kids “cry it out”

2.       Getting stuck behind a school bus on the way to work

3.       Someone trying to explain football to me

4.       Museums

5.       Watching the cartoon “Caillou”

6.       The last 5 minutes (just kidding – the last 10 minutes) on the treadmill/elliptical

7.       Shopping with anyone other than myself

8.       Trying to figure out a malfunctioning electronic device

9.       The Discovery Channel

10.   The History Channel

11.   Waiting rooms

12.   Being the Designated Driver for a bachelorette party

13.   Leaving the house with no makeup on…then running into a dozen people that I haven’t seen in months/years

14.   Calling my insurance company…or cable company…or phone company

15.   Faculty meetings

16.   Getting my student loan statement in the mail

17.   Ordering food in a drive-thru

18.   Trying to get a cell phone signal in a “dead zone”

19.   Chapped lips

20.   Deciphering kids’ explanations for “What happened?”

21.   Folding footed pajamas

22.   Feeling like I’m being softly choked all day while wearing a t-shirt that has a too-small neck

23.   Vacuuming my car

24.   Balancing my checkbook

25.   Spending more than 5 minutes on my hair

26.   Being in the grocery store with the Hubs AND the kids

27.   The last 2 weeks (just kidding - the last 4 weeks) of pregnancy

28.   Country music

29.   Being bumped into repeatedly in a large crowd

30.   Having something stuck in my teeth

31.   Opening presents in front of people

32.   Trying to pick a knot out of something right after I cut my nails

33.   Traffic jams

34.   Running into someone who calls you by name, and you have no clue who they are

35.   Peeling old wallpaper off of a wall

36.   Talking coming from my radio instead of singing

37.   Getting stuck in a conversation with someone who tries to “one-up” everything you say

38.   Getting stuck in the check-out line behind the person with an “issue”

39.   Being able to hear someone chew their food

40.   Waking up within the hour that my alarm is set to go off and not being able to fall back asleep

41.   Having to refold all of the clothes in the kids’ dresser…every time I go in it

42.   Counting down to our family beach week

43.   Trying clothes on in a dressing room

44.   Watching a kid tie their shoes and resisting the urge to do it for them

45.   Trying to convince my kids to open their mouth so I can brush their teeth

46.   Dusting my blinds

47.   Not making it through the Railroad Crossing in time and having to wait for an entire train to pass

48.   Separating puzzle pieces after the kids dump a dozen different ones out at once

49.   Listening to the Angelina Ballerina CD on repeat

50.   Wal-Mart

♥M

Sucker for Stalling

I wish I could claim to be a lot tougher about bedtime shenanigans.  I'm just such a sucker for every stall...despite knowing them ALL for what they are, I fall for them. Every one of them.

It's the empathy side of my personality.  I can't cut it off.  Not even when I know that I'm being had.  I am notoriously gullible when it comes to practical jokes and hoaxes.  I am the kind of person that would end up on the news for being scammed out of their life savings.

These are the top scams I fall for at bedtime:

 

"I'm hungry." 

What kind of parent sends their child to bed hungry?!  This is a guaranteed way to add an extra 15 minutes to the bedtime routine.  If my kids make this plea, I immediately conjure images of the Haitian children from my mission trips - wide eyes and hungry faces - and I make haste to the fridge to scour for bedtime snacks...even though we just ate dinner an hour ago.

 

"I'm thirsty."

Have you ever been thirsty?!  It's awful!  How can one sleep when one is parched?!  This is a ruse that gets me multiple times a night - including midnight wake-up calls and wee-hours of the morning distress signals.  I get it, man.  I wake up thirsty too.  Thus, I fall for it every time.

 

"My lips are chapped."

We all know this sucks. You cannot sleep if your lips hurt real bad.

 

 

 

"My sister ____________."

This blank can be filled in with SO many things.  "...bit me."  "...kicked me."  "...pulled my hair."  "...stole my pillow."  "...is hogging the covers."  "...touched my stuffed animal."  "...looked at me."  The list is endless.  My patience, unfortunately is not.  After 5-6 of these type of complaints, I tend to lose my cool and say things like, "If anyone screams again, I will give you something to scream about!"  I feel like that is an excusable reaction on my part.
 

 

"I'm hot."

Well, who can fall asleep when they are hot?!  I fall prey to wardrobe changes, exchanges in bed covers, and sips of cold water when these dramatics come to surface.  Again I say, I AM A SUCKER.

 

 

"I'm itchy."

Ok, so itchiness is a serious dilemma.  If you have an itch, it is mind-obsessively overwhelming.  Plus, they both have eczema, so I am easily convinced that a rub-down with oatmeal-based lotion is immediately necessary....kind of...probably...probably not.

 

 



"I lost my stuffed animal/favorite blanket/specific pillow/random object that I just decided I needed tonight to go to sleep."

Neither of you have a favorite and/or necessary bedtime item since kicking the "binky habit."  Whatever you are looking for - it's under the covers.  Go to sleep.

 

 

 



"I need a tissue."

Prove it.  Right now.  Give me a test-snort, and if I witness signs of snot, then you have proven you need a tissue and may get up.  Oh my God, there's snot everywhere.  That's disgusting, go get a tissue.  I don't guess it would do me any good to point out that YOU CRIED when I tried to get you to blow your nose an hour ago.

 

 

 

"I have to go to the bathroom."

Well, what are you supposed to say to that?  "Pee in your bed."  NO.  Valid pass to get out bed, granted.  Even if I am convinced that you held it until now.

 

 

"One more kiss/hug."

This is an advanced mind-ninja move, if I've ever experienced one.  I'm pretty sure that the proper response cannot possibly be: "No, I'm a monster and I will not kiss or hug you anymore tonight!" Therefore, I go in there and pass out kisses and hugs like the SUCKER that I am.  Ugh.

 

This is why "bedtime" at our house remains between 7:30pm and 8:00pm.  If we START at that hour then there may be actual sleep happening by 9:00pm.  At least until 3:00am, when they both just come get in my bed, and kick the hubs in the face until he gives up and heads to the couch. 

♥M

A Week Summary

To conclude my batcrap-crazy week, I gift you with a list of conclusions.

Conclusions that this week has led me to make...

1.  At any given moment, there are people around you suffering.  You never know if someone just lost a loved one, is dealing with illness, is getting ready for a surgery, is going through a nasty divorce, is worried about their job....so just BE NICE.  It won't hurt...not every time anyway.

2. All children can be loved. Some just make it really hard...on purpose. They have to test you to feel out whether you will "still love them if..." They think that you won't. Prove them wrong.

3.  If I could answer the question "WHY?!" then I would be rich.  So. Rich.

4. I have become one of those obnoxious people who are all, "Man, I haven't been to the gym (or gone running) in over a week.  Poooooor meeeee."  It's so awful to realize this about yourself.  Uuugh.

5.  If a physician has prescribed a medication, it should be taken as directed.  For the sake of everyone.  Please.

6.  Pajama Day at work is not what you'd expect.  It is not "comfy."  You will remain in a state of distress all day and feel like you're in a bad dream where you forgot to get dressed before going to work.

7.  You should have to pass an IQ test before you are allowed to create a Facebook account.  Or have a co-signer who pledges to proof your posts before they go out into the world.

8.  My 2-year-old is possessed by a demon.  Maybe more than one.

9.  Driving home with your car's gas light on and thinking "I'll stop in the morning" is never going to work out for you.  You will ALWAYS be running late the next morning.

10.  There is such a thing as being in a constant state of forgetting something.  At all times, the answer is "Yes, you are forgetting something."  Don't bother wondering what it is; just hope it comes back to you before it's too late and your forgetting causes any damage.

11.  God made earbuds so that I can put them in and ignore people.  Sometimes "people" means my spouse.  (If I can't HEAR you, then I can pretend like you are saying whatever *I THINK* you should be saying.)

12.  Back to #1 - When all else fails, and you feel like you might be slipping into a grouchy, pity-party mode, the best way to put the brakes on that is to reach out and offer your hand to someone who needs your empathy more than you need a "woe-is-me" session.  Had a bad day at work?  Get over yourself - someone else probably had a worse one.  Call a friend who's going through a rough time and ask how they are doing, offer your buddy to help with his project or move this weekend, visit your sick aunt and take her some soup....Why?  Not because it will make YOU feel better about YOUR bad day, but because it will make you realize that you actually aren't the one that the sun rises and sets with after all.  Plus, no one likes the person that only ever complains and never, ever listens.


With all of that being said, I'm fairly certain that I could get at least a solid two-hour head start before anyone realizes that I have run away from home.  Feel free to shoot me an e-mail with a location and meeting time if you have the name of a good source for forged papers.  I'd prefer not to travel under my real name.  Thank you in advance.

♥M

A bonus struggle from my week:  Being torn, while editing this piece of writing, between trying to guess what the "s-word" at the end was supposed to be (shock? strike?) OR just adding "in his pants" after it...

 

High on Aspiration, Low on Ability...Part 4

 

"Fall seven times, stand up eight."

Japanese Proverb

 

I thought this would be a good time for another update since I fulfilled my destiny of ending up in the orthopedic doctor's office today.

A few weeks ago, I started feeling a twinge in my right ankle, so I did what any intelligent person does and ignored the crap out of it.  Did I think that there could possibly be anything wrong as a result of increasing my mileage from 2 miles to 6.4 miles in 6 weeks?  Noooooo!

Well after my epic 6.4 mile adventure on Saturday, my ankle was just super obnoxious about hurting so I called and made an appointment.  I had an awesome nurse, by the way, who reminded me of someone's really fun aunt.  Also, she laughed at my jokes and wasn't annoyed by my WebMD references, so she gets a gold star.

She looked at my charts from my last visit and said, "Oh, you haven't been here since 2010!"  "Yes, that was the last time I was a runner," I told her.  "You aren't a runner anymore?" she asked.  "Yes, I'm a runner AGAIN.  That's why I'm HERE."  She laughed, but had no clue how freakin' serious I was. 

She was also nice about the fact that I had obviously been a total idiot about the whole injury.

"Did ice help any with the pain?"
"Uhh, I didn't put any ice on it."
"What about Tylenol or Advil?"
"Yeah...I didn't take any."
"Well, what did you do honey?"
"Ignore it?"
"There's no box for that on our form, dear."
"Right.  I suppose there's a reason for that."

Anyway, after some poking and prodding, a series of x-rays, and being made to run in place for an audience of 1 doctor and 2 nurses....I was given the diagnosis "stress fracture."  Sorry doc, but I don't have time for that! 

A stress fracture is basically when your muscles get tired and overworked and cannot absorb the shock from something high-impact (like running) and so your bones take over as shock absorbers.  All of this makes perfect sense, EXCEPT - my muscles didn't ever feel super tired or overworked while I was running.  I did 5 months of weight training before I ever laced up and took off on my first fat-kid jog.  I have not had one cramp in my side, one sore leg muscle, or felt weak while running.  I HAVE felt like there was not enough oxygen on the planet Earth, realized what little endurance and strength have to do with each other, and wished for a pair of bionic lungs.

So I asked,  "If my muscles aren't tired, then how do I know I'm overdoing it and putting too much on my BONES?!"  The answer, "I don't know."  1.Thank you for admitting that.  2.Don't you have Google?!  Now I have to look this up myself.  Thanks.  They did put in an order for me to get my Vitamin D levels checked, though.  NO CLUE what that means.  I'll look that up later, too.  I haven't given myself a good "OMG I probably have 3 different kinds of cancer...and a rare blood disease!!!!" scare lately.  I'm overdue.

In addition to the stress fracture business, I was deemed a "toe runner" and told I needed arch supports while running (he tsk-tsked me for not bringing my running shoes to the appointment for him to inspect....uhhh, what?  I'm weirded out that I had to take my socks off for you to touch my foot...you want to look inside my sneakers too?!  This relationship is moving way too fast for me.)  There was also some nonsense brought up about me "cross-training" instead of running.  After he explained to me what that WAS, I told him sorry - I own sneakers....not a bike...or a pool. 

So there you have it.  Update = I've been benched for a few weeks.  Looking at my ankle brace makes me Hulk out a little on the inside, but I don't plan on letting it discourage me.  I won't throw away all the hard work I've done, just for a pity party.  Well... I'm still going to HAVE a pity party, I just plan on lacing my running shoes back up when I'm done. 

♥M

Being a Mom Means...

There are some things that just come with the territory....

Being a Mom Means:

1.  I am always tired.  It's enlightening to find how little sleep you actually need to function.  Caffeine is a big part of my life.

2.  I have fruit snacks and bubbles in my purse.  And dum-dum wrappers.  And baby wipes.  And small, plastic toys.  And goldfish.  And glitter chapstick.  And a half-eaten granola bar.

3.  I always inspect my drink before taking a sip.  There are two reasons: First, because kids backwash.  I gagged for five whole minutes one time because I took a swig of my orange juice and swallowed a chewed up piece of hash brown with it.  The memory gives me chills.  Secondly, kids stick stuff in your cup when you walk away - like their booger-finger hands to dig out a piece of ice, or random things like Legos (which, thankfully, float).

4.  I am no longer in control of the radio or the television.  Between the hours of 7:00am and 8:00pm, if the T.V. or radio is on, I would be insane to think that I could put it on anything that doesn't involve a Disney character or a furry puppet.  Kid CDs in the car = physical pain. 

5.  My clothes serve the dual purposes of fashion items (HA!) and napkins/tissues.  Wear white pants around a kid eating Cheetos AT YOUR OWN RISK.  And my two-year-old has walked up and used my shirt to actually BLOW HER NOSE before.  I have explained that this is unacceptable behavior, but am met with a real resistance on their part to accept that fact.

6.  There is no such thing as privacy.  The word does not exist.  Shame on you for expecting it!  (I have addressed this previously in 6 Things You Didn't Expect To Miss Doing Alone) 

7.  Every glass surface in my house has fingerprints on it.  Every window (house AND car)...every cabinet front....every mirror....all cell phone and tablet screens....they are all smudged.  Permanently.

8.  Nothing that belongs to me actually belongs to ME.  If it's edible, I might get a bite.  If it's an accessory, I might get to wear it for 5 minutes.  If it has buttons and/or flashing lights, it is immediately confiscated.  If it's a cute bag, it'll be missing by the next day.  If I get caught chewing gum, I better have another piece. 

9.  I have to keep my ninja skills fresh.  The real reason I workout?  So I can army crawl across the floor of a room with a sleeping kid to retrieve something I forgot to get before they went to sleep.  Then do a soundless tuck-n-roll out of the room if they move in any way while I'm in there.

BUT... 

10.  I have more love, laughter, and compassion than I have ever previously had in my life.  I will proudly wear my Cheeto-covered pants (with the smudged cell phone in the back pocket), my snotty shirt, and the dark circles under my eyes and say, "I'm a mom!" 

♥M

I Told You So

 

 

I did the usual, "What do I want to write about tonight...hmmmm...?" and then decided to give up and give in to the personal rant in my head.  I might as well get it out so I can clear my mind.  I just had such an interesting experience today, that it's still bouncing around in there.

Have you ever had someone tell you, "I know you're right and the other person is wrong, but since they are upset, you just need to agree to make them feel better."  That's a summary of a super awesome 30 minutes of my life that I won't get back from today.

Here's the thing - I almost said, "Ok."  Then something happened...and I have a pretty good hunch what it was.  It's this damn blog.  I told you in my very first post that the freedom of speech afforded to me by writing on the world wide web could go to my head and things could get crazy.  "No, it'll be great!" they said.  "Start a blog!" they said. 

NOT that I was inclined to hide my feelings before I started the blog, but I have lost juuuuust a little bit more of my ability to remember that there is no backspace when you're talking out loud to an actual person.  Oh, yeah. Whoops.

So I did not say, "Ok."  Instead I expressed my condolences that the person was "highly upset" with me, but that I felt it fair to share that I myself was "highly upset" at being expected to fold over and accept blame for something that I hadn't done.  Furthermore, I cited a dozen AWESOME things that I had done for this person without anyone noticing THOSE things - so if we were going to say that I had screwed something up - when I DIDN'T - then let's make sure we paint the whole picture.  I get no pleasure out of anyone else being upset, but MAN, am I sick of there being no consideration given to the fact that I have feelings too.

Should I have just said, "Ok?"  Maybe....but sometimes you have to remind people (and yourself) that being easygoing and laid-back is not the same thing as being a doormat.  Just because I can get along with anyone doesn't mean that I won't push back.

 

All done.  Thanks for listening! ;)

♥M

Quit complaining

I typically avoid calling people out for complaining because...well, because they might return the favor.  (THAT would just be annoying.)  Plus, I have a pretty high threshold for being bothered. And a person has definitely traveled a long way before they have actually make me mad.  (It's a terrible destination when you get there, though.  Ha!)  I credit this to being an "oldest child," spending years in an elementary classroom, and having a saint for a mom.

Let's be honest, however - at one point (or a hundred), we all find ourselves thinking, "If I have to hear one more person complain..."  Usually, this is when we are super-stressed, have an arm's length list of complaints of our own, and just don't have time to feel sorry for anyone else.  Shame on us, but...we're human.

Let me explain "complaining" though...
I'm not talking about a one-time declaration of your discomfort.  We all deserve that.  I'm talking about the detailed accounts of your miseries, that are so ridiculously NOT terrible, that I actually want to tell you to please stop talking.  I'm not talking about venting to your best friend either.  Everybody does that.  I'm talking about how you don't know my last name, but when I asked you how you were doing, you spent 40 minutes telling me about your sick cat, your Aunt's cousin who got arrested, and the paper cut you got this morning.  My breathing slowed, my eyes glazed over, my right eye started to twitch, and still...you...kept...talking.

Not sure if you have been (or routinely ARE) one of these people?  Please, take the following survey.  Please.

1.  When you have a cold, do you spend more time lamenting over your symptoms than someone going through chemo...and/or...Do you describe your mucus to people? 

2.  If someone asks you how work is going, do you immediately start citing all of the reasons that your job is so much worse/harder/more stressful than their job?

3.  If you ask about someones children, and learn that they are sick, do you then cut that person off to begin describing the last time YOUR kids were sick and how much YOU suffered as a result of their illnesses?

4.  When someone says "How are you?" do you respond "I'm well, and you?" OR do you begin listing each body part that has a pain, infection, scratch, and/or in-grown hair until they finally slink away quietly while you're glancing at an incoming text?

5.  Have you ever complained about how broke you are....in the same breath that you mentioned your kids' expensive private school, your husband's new luxury SUV, and/or the ski vacation you're planning for your "winter holiday?"

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, don't be surprised if you start noticing that people only wave and nod while greeting you from a distance...or that they are really into their cell phone, and can't make eye contact when passing by you. 

Become a reformed complainer today!  Your friends and family will thank you, and you're welcome!

♥M