Last of the Lasts

I passed out my last set of report cards, packed my classroom for the last time, and waved goodbye to my last second grade class.

I feel... sad... happy... nostalgic... excited... conflicted. 

I will miss my students and all of their unconditional love.  The stories, hugs, handmade gifts and cards...  The quirks, class jokes, and comfortable routines that you fall into...  The joy in their faces when they "get it" and the pleasure they show when you recognize their hard work and success...  Watching them grow and mature and become smarter, more independent people by the end of each year...Those are the things I will miss about "my kids."

 I will miss my co-workers and the bond that we share over a job that no one really understands without actually living it every day.  The people that I've spent years "in the trenches" with... The people that have thrown me baby showers, been reassigned with, suffered through the worst staff development workshops with, laughed with, cried on, and supported me during tough times...  Those are the people I will miss being with every day.

I will miss joking with the janitors, practicing my crappy Spanish with the cafeteria manager, driving the secretary crazy by forgetting to do my attendance, and leaving coupons for headache medicine on the guidance counselor's desk.

I will miss banging on the door while my breastfeeding co-worker is pumping and ordering a milkshake to go.  I will miss out on taking down my friends snowman decorations and replacing them with white paper "puddle" cut-outs in the floor.  I won't get to use my line, "Do you REALLY want me to answer that?" in faculty meetings anymore.

I will miss my second grade team... my "Mama P," my "Bossy Brother," and being the "Bratty Sister."  You rarely in life find a niche that you fit so perfectly into as the three of us have over the years. 

There are a lot of things, and a lot of people that I will miss.

There are some that I won't.

For a big, fat start - I will not miss working somewhere where I am treated like a hostile life form from Planet Idiot every day.  I will not miss being talked down to, being manipulated, or having to watch my back all day, every day.  I will not miss the stress of always waiting for the next "thing" that I've done wrong, said wrong, or haven't done/said at all.  I will not miss the anxiety of being called to the office, but having no clue why.  I will not miss being snooped on, torn down, and picked apart on a regular basis.  I will not miss the anger that I feel when I watch my co-workers go through the same thing.  I will not miss having to smile and pretend like it doesn't bother me.

I will not miss having to "hold it."  Teachers are real people, with real bladders, people.  We deserve accolades for many things, but the number one thing we deserve recognition for is possessing the superhuman power of being able to go 8 hours without a bathroom break. 

I will not miss leaving my own children every morning.  I will not miss trying to get ready for work while they grab onto my legs, pull on my shirt, cry and beg for me to hold them and stay home. 

Teaching is not a job.  Teaching is who you are, what you do, and the thing that you love. 

At what point do you stop accepting the things that "come with the job," though?  When do you say, "No, that's NOT okay."  Just because we've gotten used to being treated a certain way, assigned certain tasks, or being taken advantage of....does that make it okay?  Teachers suffer many injustices for the sake of teaching.  We are told, however, that if we DON'T - then we must not really love our job, don't care about the kids enough, or aren't as "dedicated" as we could/should be.

I will never quit teaching...but I have quit "accepting."

"Sometimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength.  We walk away not because we want others to realize our worth and value, but because we realize our own."

♥M

P.S. I try to never disappoint you when you comes to awkward moments, so allow me to share my "speech" from our End of the Year Luncheon...

I attempted to graciously accept a parting gift and return to my seat sans embarrassing myself, but no such luck.  Right as I got to my chair, The Boss asked, "Aren't you going to say anything?" 

Ummmmm....  What to say on the fly?  What indeed.

"Well...this is awkward.  I guess if you know any 2-12 year-old children that need childcare in the fall, please refer them to Stepping Stone Academy.  Oh, and I'm accepting applications if anyone wants a job."

I did throw in something at the end about enjoying my years at the school, etc. 

Public speaking on the fly is not my forte. 

Spring Awareness

 

I've been out and about more than usual lately (Spring Break, Easter, etc.) and was struck with the inspiration to write another one of my lists.  Small tastes of Spring weather seem to bring out an extra dose of misguided experimentation in the fashion department.  I am far from being fashion conscious, and speak with no authority on such things as "trends" or "fads."  I do, however, sense a need for a certain level of "Spring Awareness" across the general population as the temperatures rise. 

What You Should NOT Be Wearing In Public:

1. Your clothes from last night.  Yeah...we can tell.

2. Bedroom slippers.  If I can't wear mine all day, then neither can you.

3.  Lingerie.  Seriously...I saw someone out in their lacy boy shorts and satin tank top.  (This will shock you... but I was at Wal-Mart.)

4. Your bathing suit...and nothing else...unless you are ON the beach or AT the pool.  Please.

5.  Sunglasses...indoors.  Unless you have a disability, this in inexcusable.  Don't.  Just don't.

6.  Short-shorts...with very few exceptions.  If you are under 18, you need a whippin.'  If you are over 25, then you are embarrassing yourself.  22 years old and jammin' at a pop concert?  Go for it.

7.  Open-toed shoes ...sans a post-winter pedicure.  I know you're excited because it's a random, warm day...but please - at least trim your toenails before bringing the flip-flops out of hibernation.

8.   The same outfit as your teen-aged child/grandchild.  If you are old enough to get a senior citizen's discount, then you are too old to shop in the Juniors department.

9.  Hair styling apparatus.  No, no, no - do not leave the salon's premises with your curlers or foils on your head.

10. Clothes that don't fit you.  I'm definitely guilty of trying to make a pre-baby piece of clothing work here or there, but let's not make it a habit.  If you cannot comfortably sit or bend over, then we can not comfortably be around you when you do it.

As a side note, I asked the hubs if he had anything to offer for this post.  His only helpful suggestion was to 'people watch' at Wal-Mart....which is kind of what started this anyway.  I also expressed my desire to be casually funny, without being snotty and sounding mean.  He said "Good luck with THAT."  Hmmm...

We've all committed at least one transgression. We get excited when that first 70 degree day hits, and just completely forget ourselves. Oh, the shame!

Are you a Spring Awareness offender and need to confess?  Did I leave anything pertinent off of the list?  Feel free to add offenses and/or confessions below! ;)

♥M

The Race to Parenthood 5K

Before I share my 5K experience, I wanted to just tell you a little bit about the race and what it was for.  The Race to Parenthood is "a fundraising platform for those who wish to start a family, but require fertility treatments or adoption to do so. Many couples require additional financial assistance to pay for IVF, IUI, adoption, or surrogacy – our organization seeks to provide a way to help those who cannot afford to fund their path to parenthood."  As someone who has NOT had to struggle to conceive, carry, or give birth to a baby....it breaks my heart to even attempt to imagine a reality in which you are denied this experience.  So whether you agree or disagree with IVF, IUI, surrogacy, or adoption, just remember - we are all following our own path in life, we all have a purpose, and we all have to trust that God's plan is better than ours.  How do you know that part of your purpose isn't to help other's follow their path?  Well, you DON'T know - so it wouldn't kill you to get off your Judgey McJudgerson bench long enough to try it out.  If you have the urge to do so, like, right now - just go to the website http://theracetoparenthood5k.com/ and make a donation.  The race is over, but they are still taking donations for each couple.  Or, if it's too hard to choose one (I couldn't do it either - I was randomly assigned a team when I registered), you can actually make ONE donation that they will split for you across all 7 of the couples.

End of public service announcements.

Let's start with what time I arrived at the race.  The race that started at 9:00am.  If you guessed 8:52am, you would be correct.  WHY?!  Because that's what I do.  I live on the edge like that.  Also, we had no idea where we were going, which left us dependant on a GPS - a GPS that kept losing it's signal.  ALSO, on the way there, I became struck with a new, overwhelming fear that I would have to pee while I was running the race.  So I made the hubs stop at a gas station.  Well, 3 gas stations actually, because the first two didn't have restrooms.

I slid right into the lineup though, no biggie.  I had my earbuds, my Map My Run app, my hubs wishing me luck...it was exciting!  Until I saw the whole thing kicked off with a big 'ol hill.  Nuh uh, Jack - I resolved to NOT trip, injure, pee, or otherwise embarrass myself today (or at least not in the first mile) so I will walk up the hill, THEN run, thank you.  "What are you doing?!" shouts the hubs.  "Uhhh, warming up!!!" I shout back. 

Once I got going it was...fun.  (Running?!  Fun?!)  I felt great, I was energized by the people around me, and the view was really nice.  Trees, water, people waving and cheering you on - but not too many people, because that would have been another problem.  I even managed to grab a cup of water from a volunteer without falling on my face or smacking the cup from her hand to the ground!  I was reciting "rules" in my head, "Ok, say thank you....Did I just shout at her? I'm not sure, I can't hear myself over my music...Crap, I'm spilling this...Oh yeah, remember to squeeze the rim so you don't dump it on yourself....Yeah, I still spilled it everywhere, oh well...What are people doing with their cups? Is this a "toss on the ground" kind of run? Nope, I see no cups on the ground....Here comes the trashcan....HA! I made it!  Tossing cups into trashcans level: Expert."  I didn't want to push my luck, though, so I politely declined water at the second table.  Too much risk involved, and I don't usually drink on a 3 mile run anyway, so why take the chance of ruining my good fortune by getting fancy with water cups. 

I was feeling so proud of myself, that I didn't even mind the 8 year-olds, 60 year-olds, or Moms with jogging strollers running past me.  My goal was just to make it to the finish line.  And when I did cross the finish line....it was pretty awesome.  The announcer said my name, bib number, and time, people took pictures, and I kind of felt like a rock star.  A really sweaty, red-faced, oxygen-deprived rock star.  I did not have to go to the first-aid tent, there were no defibrillators involved, I didn't have to lay on the pavement and ask the hubs to drag me to the car by my ankles - a great finish, in my opinion. 

After securing some hydration, and asking the hubs exactly how far ahead of me had the lady with the newborn finished, I checked my times on my app.  "OMG...I averaged 10 and 1/2 minute miles?!"  Yes, I do realize this is still a "turtle in peanut-butter" type of pace.  For me, though?  That's phenomenal.  I usually average 13 minute miles.  Apparently, having people cheer for you while you run is a real boost.  I need to look into how I can make that happen on a daily basis...

I also checked my stats online tonight from the chip on my race bib.  Overall, out of 349 people, I finished as lucky #100!  For my age category (20-29), I was the 15th out of 58 females to finish.  Because I am a strange person and I like numbers that you count by fives, these numbers make me very happy.  (This would be really useful information to have if you were to ever ride in my car, because I would be extremely annoyed with you if you were to say, change the volume of the radio to 21 instead of 20 or 25.)

I think we all know, however, that there is NO WAY that I did not have at least ONE awkward moment in this day.  Fear not!  I never disappoint you in that area!  While strolling around, checking out vendors after the race, the hubs and I ran into one of my sorority sisters from college.  One of my classic awkward moves is to hug people who are not "huggers," so I went ahead and took care of that straightaway.  Ok, awkward hug - check.  What can I do to make this worse?  Hmmm...how about be oblivious to the fact that she was one of the sponsored couples.  I hadn't recognized her married name on the website, and I guess her picture being next to it wasn't enough to help me make any connections.  Did I realize this while we were talking?  No, of course not!  I said NOTHING to the effect of acknowledging that the entire event was a fundraiser for her, her husband and 6 other couples.  So dear readers, you are welcome - I managed to slip at least one classic M-savvy moment in there.

And there you have it.  I survived my first 5K!  Now that I know I can run 3.1 miles, it's time to concentrate on being able to make it through those obstacles for the Rugged Manic in a few weeks.  Again, my goal is survival rather than finesse.  I like to set the bar low enough for the allowance of pleasant surprises when it comes to my athletic feats.  "Don't die" seems about as low as you can set it, so I should do aaamazing!

♥M

It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
- Walt Disney

P.S. THANK YOU for all of the supportive messages and well-wishes that have been sent my way today for my race, AND throughout all of my "training."  All of the kind words and support have really been an amazing source of strength whenever I needed a push or a boost. So again, THANK YOU!

My Sensitive Child (a.k.a. "The Drama Queen")

We've jokingly called my oldest daughter "the drama queen" since she was a toddler.  The older she gets, however, the more I recognize her for what she is - a "highly sensitive" child. 

I first got turned on to this notion while reading some random parenting article.  I couldn't get over how spot-on the article was in relation to Jace and her behaviors.  I had previously recognized little things here and there - what worked when disciplining her, or what she responded to the best when presenting something new.  Somewhere along the way, a lot of my concepts and ideals of parenting changed to fit the kind of child she is, as opposed to what the perfect child was supposed to be in response to my "perfect" parenting skills (i.e. the defense techniques I had read in a book).

In Jace's case, she just needs a certain tone, a certain presentation of expectations, a clear cut definition of consequences (NOT threats) in order to respond positively.  This can be said about a lot of children, though.  What made things really "click" for me, made me really "buy into" all of this "highly sensitive" mumbo-jumbo, was a combination of many articles and my ever-efficient "M-research."  I'm sure I'm not alone in that I take paranoid journeys driven towards discovery when it comes to my children.

According to The Highly Sensitive Person (and their Parent Checklist) these are some of the qualities of a highly sensitive child:

-startles easily
-complains about scratchy clothing, seams in socks, or labels against his/her skin
-doesn't usually enjoy big surprises
-learns better from a gentle correction than strong punishment
-seems to read my mind
-uses big words for his/her age
-notices the slightest unusual odor
-has a clever sense of humor
-seems very intuitive
-is hard to get to sleep after an exciting day
-doesn't do well with big changes
-wants to change clothes if wet or sandy
-asks lots of questions
-is a perfectionist
-notices the distress of others
-prefers quiet play
-asks deep, thought-provoking questions
-is very sensitive to pain
-is bothered by noisy places
-notices subtleties (something that's been moved, a change in a person's appearance, etc.)
-considers if it is safe before climbing high
-performs best when strangers aren't present
-feels things deeply

Not all, but most of these apply to Jace.  That sent me looking me for more information, because God knows, I'm probably screwing this all up and traumatizing her daily with my horrendous parenting, right?  Thankfully, this was not the case.  I was actually reassured by a lot of what I read. 

Sensitive children respond better to requests and logic than to harsh discipline and raised voices (the latter will typically result in the exact behavior you are trying to avoid or correct.)  Luckily, I had picked up on this already with Jace, and usually try to present things in a way that's more of a "Hey, let's do this together..." kind of approach.  Doesn't ALWAYS work, but definitely gets better results than "Go do such and such RIGHT NOW!"

Sensitive children will start to "act out" (or as I say, "You're showing your tail!") when they become overly stimulated or tired.  I had noticed that when Jace has friends over, or when we are in a large social group, she can turn into a total monster.  The only way to adjust that is to remove her from the situation and calmly explain to her exactly what she is doing that's super crappy.  Time-out or yelling always just makes her lash back.  Explaining that a certain behavior or tone of voice makes her sound "mean" or "makes Mommy upset and disappointed" SEEMS to work better.  I have to be careful how I phrase everything, however; because any slight inclination that I'm shaming, embarrassing, or laughing at her makes her totally shut down and/or have a meltdown.  It's a seriously tricky tightrope that I walk with these "discipline talks" and it's straight up exhausting.  Sometimes I get it just right and feel like "Mom of the Universe," but I'm not going to lie....I've also been known to totally blow it...and she ends up crying on my shoulder...and I feel like crap for a mom.

Sensitive children need language to describe their feelings.  If they aren't able to understand or explain how they feel, then they will just lose it completely.  I'm not a hippie or anything, but "feeling" words are a big thing for me with my kids.  I want to make sure that they can not only describe how they feel, but that they understand it's ok to feel ANYTHING - what matters is how you ACT on it.  If they are angry about something (or at me), I try to teach them that it's ok to be mad, but there are acceptable ways to handle that emotion.  Go scream into your pillow, cool off by yourself, and when you're ready to tell me what's wrong, we can talk about it.  I try to avoid getting sucked into an argument or anyone yelling at each other.  That never seems to end well. 

Sensitive children are terrible with transitions.  Really and truly, though, most people are.  I decided a long time ago that if I were doing something that I thought was super important and someone said, "Hey stop that right now, and come with me," it would probably piss me off pretty badly.  So then I kind of understood why I was being met with resistance when I would say, "Ok, time to ____, come on!"  The solution was a forehead-slapping easy one.  All I had to do was say, "Ok, 5 more minutes and then we gotta go!"  And then there was no problem.  It's beautiful.  That was all it took.  Just a simple heads-up before transitioning. 

Sensitive children are very critical of themselves.  It's so important to filter yourself when you think that you are offering advice.  A lot of the time, no matter how well-intended your words are, they WILL be taken as criticism when spoken to a child who is highly sensitive.  The best way to avoid them running from the room crying, while you stand there scratching your head, trying to figure out what you said - start everything with a positive.  And I don't mean, "Great cartwheel, BUT you're supposed to keep your legs straight."  I mean, "Awesome, cartwheel!  Show me that way you do it with your legs straight!"  Don't get the difference?  They will.

Some of the best material I found was by a psychotherapist, Elaine N. Arnon, Ph.D. (The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Them).  She wrote this about highly sensitive children:



"First, appreciate that this is a wonderful trait. It is no illness or syndrome. Nor is it something new I made up or 'just discovered.'  It is an inborn temperament or style that is found in about twenty percent of children and of nearly all animals. Anything so persistent is not abnormal. It represents a strategy of taking everything into account before acting (the other, more common innate strategy is to act quickly and be first, then think later). The trait serves an important purpose for the individual sensitive person and for the larger society--for example, sensitive persons sense danger and see the consequences of an action before others do.

Unfortunately, the trait has been somewhat misunderstood in our culture, so that most psychologists and parents tend to see only one aspect of some sensitive children and call this trait shyness, inhibitedness, fearfulness, fussiness, or 'hyper' sensitivity. If one could see inside the mind of a sensitive child, however, one would learn the whole story of what is going on--creativity, intuition, surprising wisdom, empathy for others...

But, for all of that to blossom, they absolutely must be raised with understanding. Otherwise, as adults they are prone to depression, anxiety, and shyness."



Omg....no pressure.  If I screw this up, though, my kid will just be shy, depressed, and anxious forever.  Crap. 

The biggest piece of advice that I think I gleaned from all of my reading was this:  Parenting a sensitive child is not about changing them, it's about changing how you parent.  Do not force society's demands onto your child.  Your job is to nudge them into trying new things, without making them feel as if you won't be there or love them as much if they can't "be like other kids."

The bottom line:

Love them. 

Maybe I got this after all....

♥M

A Week Summary

To conclude my batcrap-crazy week, I gift you with a list of conclusions.

Conclusions that this week has led me to make...

1.  At any given moment, there are people around you suffering.  You never know if someone just lost a loved one, is dealing with illness, is getting ready for a surgery, is going through a nasty divorce, is worried about their job....so just BE NICE.  It won't hurt...not every time anyway.

2. All children can be loved. Some just make it really hard...on purpose. They have to test you to feel out whether you will "still love them if..." They think that you won't. Prove them wrong.

3.  If I could answer the question "WHY?!" then I would be rich.  So. Rich.

4. I have become one of those obnoxious people who are all, "Man, I haven't been to the gym (or gone running) in over a week.  Poooooor meeeee."  It's so awful to realize this about yourself.  Uuugh.

5.  If a physician has prescribed a medication, it should be taken as directed.  For the sake of everyone.  Please.

6.  Pajama Day at work is not what you'd expect.  It is not "comfy."  You will remain in a state of distress all day and feel like you're in a bad dream where you forgot to get dressed before going to work.

7.  You should have to pass an IQ test before you are allowed to create a Facebook account.  Or have a co-signer who pledges to proof your posts before they go out into the world.

8.  My 2-year-old is possessed by a demon.  Maybe more than one.

9.  Driving home with your car's gas light on and thinking "I'll stop in the morning" is never going to work out for you.  You will ALWAYS be running late the next morning.

10.  There is such a thing as being in a constant state of forgetting something.  At all times, the answer is "Yes, you are forgetting something."  Don't bother wondering what it is; just hope it comes back to you before it's too late and your forgetting causes any damage.

11.  God made earbuds so that I can put them in and ignore people.  Sometimes "people" means my spouse.  (If I can't HEAR you, then I can pretend like you are saying whatever *I THINK* you should be saying.)

12.  Back to #1 - When all else fails, and you feel like you might be slipping into a grouchy, pity-party mode, the best way to put the brakes on that is to reach out and offer your hand to someone who needs your empathy more than you need a "woe-is-me" session.  Had a bad day at work?  Get over yourself - someone else probably had a worse one.  Call a friend who's going through a rough time and ask how they are doing, offer your buddy to help with his project or move this weekend, visit your sick aunt and take her some soup....Why?  Not because it will make YOU feel better about YOUR bad day, but because it will make you realize that you actually aren't the one that the sun rises and sets with after all.  Plus, no one likes the person that only ever complains and never, ever listens.


With all of that being said, I'm fairly certain that I could get at least a solid two-hour head start before anyone realizes that I have run away from home.  Feel free to shoot me an e-mail with a location and meeting time if you have the name of a good source for forged papers.  I'd prefer not to travel under my real name.  Thank you in advance.

♥M

A bonus struggle from my week:  Being torn, while editing this piece of writing, between trying to guess what the "s-word" at the end was supposed to be (shock? strike?) OR just adding "in his pants" after it...

 

Don't Hide Your Feelins'

Lately, there's been this crazy vibe all around me that makes me feel like I'm stuck in some kind of limbo between the Twilight Zone and The Jerry Springer Show.  I have no idea what the cause is, I'm just saying it's there.

Between family drama and work drama and your own drama, sometimes it just feels like you're in a tornado of other people's feelings and emotions.  The only way to get through it is to figure out how to hold on tight....and make sure you keep your feelings separate from theirs.

 

 

The problem with feelings is that we aren't content to just TELL someone how we feel.  No, no.  As a species we have this driving urge to obtain validation, commiseration, and camaraderie for every emotion we experience.  If we're happy, we share it - we want others to share our joy!  (That's cool.)

 

 

 

 

But if we're sad or mad we often feel the need to urge others into feeling the same way, either for or with us.  It's not enough that someone pissed us off, hurt our feelings, or totally blew our mind - we NEED to hear someone SAY "You're right, you SHOULD be mad/sad/mindblown!"  It's like we don't trust ourselves to have feelings without someone else endorsing it.

 

 

Own your own feelings.  Decide how you feel about something or someone based on your own experiences.  Feedback and advice are good...when it's constructive, informative, and FACTUAL.  Don't confuse fact and opinion or allow other people's passions to influence your own.  And when you do have a messy sea to storm, make sure you don't allow others to keep you drowning in it.  If you are over something, it's ok to move on...just reach back and offer to pull the others out with you, without letting them pull you back in.

 

You are in control of YOU.  No one can make you feel any way about any thing unless you allow them to.  "How you act emotionally is a choice in any situation." - Judith Orloff

 

♥M

 

 



 

Jumping the Fence

Tonight's blog post is a bit of a plea for feedback.  I'm preparing for my new journey staying at home next year... and my decision to "jump the fence."  Instead of dropping my kids off every morning, I thought - "Why not let people drop their kids off here?"  It's the perfect middle ground, really.  Next year is Jace's last year before starting Kindergarten, so I had planned on "playing school" and getting her ready.  Why not make it the real deal and teach other kids too? 

The hubs is on board (Woohoo!) and has graciously allowed me to delegate many things onto his to-do list.  The most exciting of all - turning our backyard into a preschool-sized playground.  I'm way more excited about that that he is.  Probably because he has to build it. 

In just the few months since I started sharing all of this, I've already had people shake their heads and call me crazy.  "Why would you want EXTRA kids running around?!"  .....What?!  Why wouldn't I?!  That's my job now, crazy!  I take care of and teach 20 students while juggling the county, state, and federal requirements every day!  What the heck kind of work is half a dozen to me!  I won't be doing anything different than I would be with just my kids...I'll just be doing more of it.  Plus, I happen to like kids.  So that helps.

This is the part I would like feedback on:  I sat and typed up a list of questions that I have ever asked any babysitter I've interviewed...and a few that I WISHED I had asked later.  I thought I could share that list with you and get some feedback on what you might add, etc.  Here's my list:

1. What made you decide to start taking care of other people's children?
2. What age children are you keeping?
3. What are your qualifications/experience?
4. What are your drop-off and pick-up times?
5. How much do you charge?
6. Do I still have to pay for a full week if my child leaves early/arrives late/misses a day?
7. What do you provide and what do I have to send?
8. What other adults will my child be exposed to?
9. How do you handle discipline?
10. What if YOUR kids are sick?
11. What if YOU are sick?
12. What if you have a doctor's appointment?
13. Are there any pets in your home?
14. What if my child gets hurt?
15. How will I know about my child's day (what they ate, how nap was, etc.)?


See anything missing?  What pet peeve have you had to deal with when looking for childcare?  I appreciate all feedback! :)

♥M

May I Have Your Attention, Please?

I was going to wait until Spring to be all official about "announcing" anything, but the Spirit has moved me to do it now...

I'm totally kidding!  I live in a small town, so most people that I know personally (and probably many that I don't), already know that I'm not returning to my job as a classroom teacher next school year.

Why?

Well, I could say it's because I'm tired of teaching....but I'm not.  I love teaching.

I could say it's because of the the insane amount of paperwork and "documentation," and the increasingly unrealistic expectations made of my profession....but I suppose a lot of jobs are like that.

I could say it's because I can't handle all of the politics and drama....but I do.  I handle it daily; and have done so for several years now.

Maybe it's because of all the *ahem* "enthusiastic" parents out there?  I mean, I HAVE been cursed, threatened, harrassed, bullied, and slandered.  Nope.  I'm good at my job, so I say "bring it."

Or could it be that I'm tired of being a punching bag for administration?  Nah - I've been through enough crap to have earned a black belt in the art of defending oneself against psychological warfare...so you'll have to practice your mental "mind-ninja" tactics on someone else.

Ok...so WHY?

BECAUSE... I decided that dealing with all of the beforementioned things is just not worth leaving my two girls at the babysitter every day. 

I just can't help but to feel like I'm giving up the blessing that is time with MY children in order to face a daily battle as an army of one in the good fight that is making a difference for my students.  It's discouraging to spend your days sacrificing the bulk of your time away from your own children, trying to "make a difference," just to be told on a regular basis that all of the caring, compassion, and help that you give other people's kids every day is not enough and never will be. 

I have just plain grown weary of being told to acheive miracles...then having every rug pulled out from under me, every ladder rung I must climb sawed through, and having to do it all with a blindfold on.

This was NOT a decision made lightly, or quickly, but what it ultimately came down to was this:
I have two passions - teaching and making a difference.  Next year I'll be doing both of them....at home.

♥M