You Can't Fly If You Don't Jump

 

I have received many requests for an update on Stepping Stone Academy!  I am honored to oblige those requests - thanks for caring!

If you want to catch up on what has already happened...

Jump Into Your Purpose

Baby Steps for Stepping Stone

Making Mountains Out of Stepping Stones


The funny part for me is going back and reading those posts...and shaking my head at myself for being SO naïve.  I had no idea what I was getting into...or how much I would LOVE it.

This journey is, by far, the most exhausting, stressful, and Holy-Wow complicated thing that I have ever taken on.  And yes, that includes having two small children (ask me about this when they are teenagers, and I may change my answer).

I recently posted to the blog's Facebook page that I had 2 weeks to be DONE, and my Social Services application turned in.  Since then I have gotten a lot of "WHAT?!" feedback, so allow me to explain:

Social Services is a state agency.

Understand now? 

In all of their wisdom and beautiful bureaucracy, Social Services needs me to accomplish about 6 months worth of work in about 2 weeks of "real world" time.  Why?  So that they can have their full 60 days of leisure to approve it all.  Otherwise, I risk not being approved before our target opening date of September 2.

My one teeny problem with this:  I have been calling and e-mailing the same Social Services office, talking to the same people, asking questions (stupid ones, if I am to judge by their attitude when answering them) and slaving away through the night, EVERY NIGHT, for two months now on all of the crap that they are demanding of me....and you don't think this could have come up before now?!

The mistake that the licensing agent made was acting incredulous when I told her "No problem," she could expect me to show up to my orientation program on July 8 with my application in hand.

She scoffed at me.  I could hear it.  Right through the phone. 

Challenge accepted.

Any energy, perseverance, or sweat that I had invested over the last 8 weeks looked like a total joke when compared to the aftermath of that conversation. 

I am 100% aware that my reaction to this challenge is unhealthy.  The amount of determination I am suffering from is borderline "Lock her up in the padded room!"  In my defense, however, I shared with a friend that I thought I might be kind of crazy, and we ultimately determined that if I was truly crazy...I probably wouldn't realize it.  Therefore, since I AM aware that my behavior is erratic and abnormal - I am not actually crazy.  Do not argue with this.  It has been decided, and I am not open to disputes.

Sleep has been pretty much eliminated from my routine.  No time for such a waste of precious hours.  My meals, when I do remember to eat, have consisted of whatever I can eat with one hand while typing, holding a phone, or driving with the other.  My children have sought shelter at their grandparents' or babysitter's house during the day, climb all over me and sit on my head while I type or make phone calls during the evening, and sleep soundly while I work through the night.  They are annoyed with me, to say the least, but I have explained to them that Mommy has to be a busy jerk for a few weeks, and we will be back to normal soon. They totally understand (No, they don't) and therefore, behave like angels (No, they don't) and certainly don't do crazy, wild things to try and get my attention (Yes, they do).  My mantra right now?  "We will ALL survive this."

So basically, I suck as a mom right now, but I am kicking this application's ass...kind of...sort of...mostly.

You may be wondering what exactly does "the application" mean - what's so terrible about filling out an application?  People do it all the time.  You apply for jobs, credit cards, whatever - we all do it.

The application for licensing a Child Day Center with the state is not just a form to be filled out, however.  I mean, there is a form that you have to fill out (several pages long, in fact), but it's all of the "required attachments" that get you...

Social Services Required Attachments for Initial Licensure:

VA State Corporation Commission Certificate - This is the certificate that you get when you register your business with the State. Check!


Business License - This one was easy.  I just went to the Town Hall, filled out a form, and wrote a check...after I calculated my "expected" revenue for September-December 2014.

Character Reference Letters from 3 people that are not related to you by blood or marriage - I actually had four AWESOME friends who got these to me within a couple of days of me asking for them.  THANK YOU times a million for y'all's awesomeness!  


Annual Operating Budget - HA!  I am tempted to slap my whole bajillion-paged business plan with 3 YEARS of annual budget and cash flow projections on their desk!  I can take zero credit for the numbers, that was totally the CPA from the business center and the credit analyst from the bank, but still - BOOM!  THANK YOU, totally patient CPA and Credit Analyst!  I promise I'm not as dumb as our conversations while constructing this document made me feel.


Evidence of Insurance - My "insurance lady" is on it!  THANK YOU super nice insurance lady who was willing to put up with me calling and saying "Hey...I need insurance...TODAY."


Credit Reference Letter from a Bank - Because the bank that I am working with on this is THE best bank with THE best people ever....the V.P. whipped this up for me this afternoon.  Another big THANK YOU goes here!

Operating Agreement - In your face Social Services!  I already went on Legal Zoom and got one of these for my loan process.  Next!

Asbestos Statement from an Asbestos Inspector - Nice try Social Services, but I asked my bank pals for this weeks ago and we just got it in the mail yesterday.  

Written statement of organization (who is responsible for what) - Yeah, I'm just going to whip up a flow chart for this one.  It'll say:

Employees' Responsibilities = The kids, DUH. 

M's responsibilities = Everything else...oh, and the kids.  Questions?

Signed Sworn Disclosure Statement - This is a redundant form that you are required to fill out and sign, swearing that you haven't committed any crimes.  You turn it in along with your background check....which is proof that you haven't committed any crimes...wait...what...  Never mind.  Printed it.  Signed it.  Done.

Staff Information Sheet - This is a piece of paper that you list your employees on.  At this point, I feel like they are just making random requests for trivial documentation.  This is uncomfortably familiar from being a classroom teacher in a public school....

Copies of any brochures to be used - Really?  You need to see my marketing materials?  I just....*siiiiiigh*  YeahOKSure.  Why not?

Daily Schedule for each age group - Oh dang, I need a schedule!  I was just going to let all of the kids run around and bounce off of each other all day.  I better get on that.  *eye roll*


Inventory of all indoor and outdoor play equipment - When I read this, I thought that I was misunderstanding it - you are probably thinking the same thing.  "Does that mean an actual list of EVERYTHING in the building that the kids can play with (every toy, how many books for each age group, what games, every DVD, CD, piece of sports equipment...)?"  Yes. Yes. It. Does. 

Criminal History Record Check - This has been sent to the State Police and I'm waiting for it to come back....and sweating every time I check the mailbox and it's not there.

Child Protective Services Central Registry Check - Well, if you can believe it, this is a form that has to be mailed to Social Services...and I have to wait to get it back...so that I can turn it in to THEM with my application.  Yeah...try to figure that out.  Actually, don't.  Don't waste the energy.

Building Inspector’s Report - Building should be ready for inspection any day!  Woo Hoo!

Fire Inspection Report - I have a meeting with the Fire Chief on Friday to schedule an inspection and to go over my Emergency Preparedness Plan.  That's another gem of a document that I'm expected to produce.

Department of Health Inspection Report - I called to schedule this and they were like, "Yeeeaaah, you don't need an appointment.  We'll just come out there whenever you're ready."  Ummm, thank you for making that 5 minutes of my life stress-free, you beautiful people!

Floor Plans/Site Plans - I submitted these to Social Services 3 WEEKS ago for the pre-approval process...and this will shock you...I have still not gotten anything back.  It very clearly said on the paperwork that I would get a response in 10 business days.  When I called (and called...and called) and finally got a hold of the Inspector who has them, I was basically told that they were really busy.  When I questioned the licensing office about that, I was again told that they were really busy and it just wasn't a priority.  Nice.

Copies of all forms to be used - Wait...Every form that I will use at the Academy?  For everything that requires a form?  Yes.  Yes, that is what that means.  And in case you want to know how many forms that is... I don't know.  I haven't counted them all, but they are currently occupying a decent sized chunk of my flash drive.

Copy of Policies & Procedures - This is a work in progress.  I'm about a dozen pages deep on the Stepping Stone Academy Staff Handbook and close to the same with the Parent Handbook.  Not even close to done.  Now you understand the constant typing...and the development of what I am fairly certain is carpal tunnel in my elbows.

List of the Director’s Qualifications - How about "I managed to complete this application...without even being rude to ANY of the super snarky people at the Social Services office.  THAT = Qualified." (I have actually been overly nice, even when they are straight-up nasty to me...because I'm kind of scared that they'll "lose" my files if I retaliate.  I feel like there's potential for that to be a real "deep end" moment for me, and I'm trying to avoid it.)  Or I'll just attach a copy of my VA State Teaching License and the Certificate of Completion from the online Director's course that I'm taking.  Either/or, really.
 

Soooo....not your typical "application" after all.
 

Do not mistake this blog post for a complaint, however!  I have learned a lot about myself in just the short time that I started this journey.  For one, I discovered the gift disorder that I possess suffer from.  I'm a challenge junkie.  (Here we go!  Another thing that needs a support group!  See (Awkward Anonymous) The sense of accomplishment each time I mark something off of the list, and realize that I am one little baby step closer to making things happen...it's amazing. 

I have also learned a lot about the people in my life.  There were some who disappointed me, who were unable to find joy in my new adventure, or who tried to use me for their own benefit.  They are greatly overshadowed, however, by the rest.  I have been touched by the amount of support that I have received, the number of people that are willing to help me, and how much happiness people have displayed for me. 

So maybe I am a little stressed, tired, and overwhelmed. 

No really, "maybe" I am - I have no idea, I don't have time to decide.  All I do know is that I feel filled with a purpose, driven towards accomplishing something that will mean even more to others than it will to me, and surrounded by good people willing to share in my journey.

By the way, I hope all of those super supportive people will show up when I do an "all-call" for volunteers to put together furniture and inventory equipment next week. :))
 

♥M

Making Mountains Out of Stepping Stones

Where have I been for TWO WEEKS?!

Mountain climbing.  And every time I get to the top of a peak...I find a new, bigger mountain beyond the one I just conquered.

I turned in my application for our Conditional Use Permit for the Town - check!  I almost had to sell my first-born child to some traveling gypsies to pay for it, but we decided we would miss her if we did.  (At least until the next time she sasses me...then that plan is fair game again.)  Now we just waaaiiiit for the public hearing on June 12th to find out if it will be approved or not.  That's a long time to hold your breath...

The business plan is written - check!  I learned four things from sitting at my computer for 12 hours and writing that blasted thing:

1. You shouldn't skip eye doctor appointments, because I'm pretty sure staring at the computer screen for that long melted my last pair of contacts to my eyeballs.

2. Being a "writer" is of no benefit when constructing a business plan because you're supposed to use the KISS method (Keep It Simple Stupid!). That meant I had to constantly go back and remove my beloved adjectives, adverbs, and personal flamboyance.

3. Retraining your brain to write about yourself in third-person is ridiculously hard. I don't like it, and the whole thing sounds, to me, like Elmo wrote it.

4. I am not a fan of writing business plans.

I worked with the Director of the Small Business Development Center through e-mail and it has been edited, revised, and polished.  Now I'm just waaaaiiiiiiiting to meet with the SBDC's Certified Public Account to complete the Financial section.  Shockingly, it turns out that some people have things in their life going on besides getting my business started (ummm what?!), and the CPA is unavailable until next week. 

I did meet with the Loan Portfolio Manager from the bank to discuss loan options.  I was pretty indignant when I found out that my children do NOT count as collateral.  ("But THAT'S where all my money is?!")  I was also informed by the LPM that my financial statement was the funniest one he had ever received.  (Baby Steps for Stepping Stone)  Not because of my financials (which would've been MY guess), but because of all the notes I had stuck on it.  His favorite: the note in the middle of our monthly budget that said, "Don't judge me."

I certainly haven't sat idle while waiting for the inconsiderate CPA to return from her vacation, however.  (Seriously...how COULD she leave at a time like this?!) 

I have turned my attentions to Social Services (a.k.a. The People That Own Me Once I'm Licensed and Forevermore) instead.

First of all, I was an idiot for thinking that reading their 99-page Standards for Licensed Child Day Centers guide three times (with a highlighter...and I took notes!) was an accomplishment.  I was informed by the woman I spoke with at the Central Licensing Office that I also needed to make friends with the following documents:

Code of Virginia (56 pages)
Background Checks for Child Welfare Agencies (42 pages)
General Procedures and Information for Licensure (37 pages)

No problem.  I like to read.  I mean, usually it's like, a murder mystery or historical fiction....but, I can be a good sport and highlight stuff and take notes in all these manuals, too.  I'll have to do it in my "spare time" though, because she dropped another pile of "to-do" in my lap, as well.

Also, it turns out that having a degree in education, and 7 years of teaching experience, isn't enough to qualify me as the Director of my own facility.  If you're thinking, "No way!" don't worry, I'm right there with you.  Ok, so a 20-hour online course to get "management training" and a Director's Certificate, it is.  No biggie, I've been through worse.

Now let's talk employees...

I was patting myself on the back for having most of the "who" parts worked out.  THAT is always my first mistake - feeling accomplished.  Finding the perfect employees is a drop in the bucket.  I also need to make sure that they have/receive the following:

1. 24 hours of staff development (before we open)
2. CPR certifications
3. First Aid training
4. MAT training (for giving out meds)
5. Training in identifying and reporting child abuse
6. Training in performing Daily Health Observations
7. Tuberculosis screenings
8. Background checks (including sworn statements, criminal history, and registry checks)
9. Staff orientation

Well, that's cool...I'm just going to have to talk everyone into giving me their entire summer.  I'm sure they won't mind.  I will bribe them with...love and appreciation. 

And while I'm reading, taking an online course, and training my staff... I just need to type up a few documents.

1. Emergency Preparedness Plan (which has to be coordinated with your Local Emergency Manager)
2. Injury Prevention Plan
3. Playground Safety Plan
4. Student/Parent Handbooks (with Policies & Procedures)
5. About 30 different forms for registration, medicine, allergies, etc.
6. Employment applications
7. Employee contracts
8. Schedules for each age group
9. Schedules for employees
10. LOGS FOR EVERYTHING

No problem!  I'm an organized person.  I found some resources online for a lot of it (I'm a Google pro...but so is my mom).  I even have a friend who offered to help type and create documents (LOVE her!)

So where does that leave me?

Tired.  That's where.

And yet...still excited!

I'm working with a designer that a friend hooked me up with on my logo.  (Eeeeek!)  I have my website up and published.  (It's still a work in progress though - I don't have all the info I need to call it "done" yet.)  I'm scheduled to attend my orientation with Social Services on July 8th.  (I was told to bring all of my "friendly" documents along...ugh.)  I'm also supposed to meet with an insurance agent to get quotes on liability insurance for the business in the next few weeks.

Oh yeah...

And I'm still teaching second grade full-time...while trying to fit in the whole "wife and mother of two" thing...

The hubs needs a shout out here.  He has been cleaning (only as is absolutely necessary, but still...whatever he does - I DON'T have to do)  He has been dropping off AND picking up the kids.  He has been the "dance mom" when I couldn't.  He even took on the task of researching grants for me.  He's earned major brownie points.

The important thing to remember is this:  It CAN be done.  It WILL be done.  And WHEN it is...

“Happiness is different from pleasure. Happiness has something to do with struggling, enduring, and accomplishing.” - George Sheehan

 

♥M

 

Baby Steps for Stepping Stone

                                  

I promised readers that I would post regular updates about my new adventure in the world of small business and opening a child care center, and there is much to update you on, so here goes...

First, let me just say that the reaction to my last post, Jump Into Your Purpose, has been INTENSE.  I'm going to push pause right now, so that I may say THANK YOU to everyone who has responded.  There has been ZERO negative feedback, and TOTAL support with enthusiasm for this chapter in my family's life.  (All of the buzz has really cut down on my projected advertising expenses, as well - so to my local readers - keep up the good work! Haha)

Also, I want to acknowledge the INCREDIBLE amount of work that my predecessor put into this particular project before me.  (The building's previous owner completely renovated it with the intentions of opening it as a daycare.) A lot of the battles that I have been prepared to fight - he already did; and I have been able to fit my footsteps neatly into his.  Certain zoning issues, almost all of the building's renovations, and even certain permits/public notices had already been taken care of.  I've never met this person, but every time I discover an item he inadvertently has checked off of MY to-list...  Well, I am beyond grateful for all of his hard work.  At times, it almost makes me feel guilty to benefit from someone else's hard work.  Then, I look at the mountains I have yet to climb...and I go back to just feeling grateful.

I have kept my pace of "full steam ahead" for the most part since my last post, and didn't waste much of the past five days.  I kicked my Friday night off with a visit to the Town Hall, and by the end of the weekend, I had met with the town's Mayor, Vice-Mayor, Treasurer, and a Councilwoman (twice).  I learned a lot about the history of the building, and finagled as much information out of the treasurer as possible.  (She threatened to quit her job at one point... so I only asked for like, three or four more things after that.)  I tracked the county's Building Inspector down at home (luckily, he's someone I've known since I was a child), and I only harassed him about half of a dozen times between Friday and Monday.  I left a message with the county's Director of Planning...and then three or four other people did too - Whoops!  (He probably threw his phone out of the window after he heard my name the fourth time.) 

Monday, I met with the county's Building Official and Building Inspector on-site and discussed any items that still needed to be done in order for the building to meet code (which the bank was already well on top of).  We also talked about the big "mysterious mystery" that plagues me still:  CAN we live in the upstairs and run the business downstairs?  I was told that "zoning is it's own kind of animal" and that we needed to be very sure about the answer to that question before proceeding on an assumption.  Which, I think we all know, means that I will be leaving a lot more messages and making a lot more people sick of my name until we find out.  (I blame the 5-year-old inside of me saying, "Are we there yet?!  Are we there yet?!")

The Loan Portfolio Manager from the bank that was kind enough to make the offer of personally walking me through the business budget and financials, had the pleasure of being tracked down by myself today, as well.  He had e-mailed a financial worksheet and a list of documents that he needed in order to start putting together some pre-qualifications for me, and I did my best to oblige, but... Phew.  I don't consider myself to be a stupid person, but after spending an hour digging through files and scrounging through my tax returns, then squinting at the teeny, ant-sized boxes on the "worksheet," I called it quits.  I stuffed everything that I thought looked important into a pretty envelope (that counts for something, right?), flipped the worksheet over, scrawled out MY version of my finances, and tacked a note at the top that read, "FYI - your worksheet made me feel like an idiot. :) M"  I hand-delivered it to his office and introduced myself as the woman that he would probably wish his wife had never made friends with.  Luckily, he seemed to have both a sense of humor AND the patience of Job, so he may survive working with me after all.

The biggest, most exciting meeting to date, however, was the one I had today at the local Small Business Development Center.  The bank President and Vice-President set up a meeting for me with themselves and the center's Director to get things started with my official business plan.  I was a nervous wreck.  I tried to look the part and wore my big-girl business clothes, grown-up jewelry, and even a pair of heels.  I also spent ten minutes on my hair instead of five.  I'm not entirely sure that any of that was necessary, but I was operating on the belief that if I looked like an adult, it would encourage me to act like one. 

I called my brother-in-law, who's a Certified Public Accountant, before the meeting; and I demanded that he answer 101 annoying questions that I thought knowing the answers to could potentially make me sound smarter when discussing business structure.  I still tapped my feet, drummed my fingers on the steering wheel, and chomped on gum the whole drive there. 

I managed to survive the meeting without saying anything too incredibly stupid.  They were kind enough to act impressed by the meager amount of homework I have done, so that puffed me up a bit.  (I say "meager" because when you put the pile of stuff I HAVE done next to pile of stuff I NEED to do...it makes me cringe a little.)  When asked about a timeline for completing the business plan (a.k.a. 25-page research paper), the Director indicated that it would mostly depend on how quickly I got it written.  The V.P. laughed, and told her not to be surprised if it was in her e-mail by Monday.

I know she was joking, but...

                  don't be too upset, dear readers, if you don't hear from me for a couple of days.  ;)

♥M

 

P.S. Guess what came up during my business meeting?  THE BLOG!  WAY TO GO! readers, on spreading the word!  Y'all rock!

The Rugged Maniac



As you will have noticed with this post, I did in fact survive the 5K obstacle course that all of my training posts were in reference to...

High on Aspiration...Low on Ability

High on Aspiration...Low on Ability - Part 2

High on Aspiration...Low on Ability - Part 3

High on Aspiration...Low on Ability - Part 4

High on Aspiration...Low on Ability - Part 5

I have to admit, I had really psyched myself out about this Rugged Maniac race...and it wasn't that bad. 

I don't mean that I was some total badass that dominated every obstacle and sprinted the whole course.  Not even close.  I did TRY every obstacle and only failed at two; but there was definitely more than one challenge that required teamwork and a helping hand (or two). 

What impressed me thoroughly about the whole thing, however, was the whole atmosphere of the "race."  All of the super competitive, every-man-for-himself types must have been in the first few waves of runners; because, by my 10:45am heat, the whole attitude was one of FUN, "go at your own pace," and "we're all in this together." 

I had a blast, and told my brother-in-law when we finished, "I feel like I could climb a mountain right now!  I CAN'T!  But I FEEL like I could!"

And since my dedicated readers seem to remain loyal, despite the fact that I constantly remind you what a crazy person I am, I will share my 3 HUGE pre-race fears with you:

1. My contacts...because if I lose one, then I can't see (duh).  Like (-7/20) Rx can't see.

2. My hair...yeah, yeah, I might not spend a lot of time on it, but I do try to make sure I won't be mortally embarrassed if I see someone I know when I leave the house.  What if I lose my headband?!  What if my bobby pins come out and my bangs end up standing straight up with mud?!  These are valid female concerns.

And speaking of female concerns...

3. My lady parts...I am sooooo sorry right now for my male readers, but let's get real - no lady wants her undies full of mud.  And for those that were worried about it, I did remember to wear undies - you're welcome (Freaky Friday).

I am happy to report that none of  my fears were realized; and I was a well-sighted, mostly comfortable person with respectable enough looking hair - including my headband - at the end of the race.

The course itself was 3.1 miles long and had the following obstacles:

1. Small Walls  - After a decent trail run over pretty clumsy-person-dangerous terrain, we arrived at two pieces of plywood that we were supposed to jump over.  Yeah, I climbed over them.  Carefully.

2. A-frames - A huge wooden A-frame ladder...only the "rungs" were like 3 feet or more apart.  These were my favorite because I actually climbed up, over, and down like a spider monkey and that made me feel super cool.  I did take a kick to the throat by an excited guy next to me, but he said, "Sorry," so I forgave him.

3. Mud Crawl - Crawling in mud...under BARBED WIRE?!  Um, no thanks on getting sliced up.  I went a little overboard on staying low here, because I have been known to miscalculate the size of my derriere and bump into things.  Not that big of a deal if it's like, a table, but a super huge deal if it's like, BARBED WIRE.  So I stayed almost totally flat in a push-up position and drug myself through the mud by my arms.  A good workout, to say the least (but my bum stayed safe).

4. Jump Trench - When I got to these huge pits in the ground, I thought, "Crap."  I have NO confidence in my ability to jump over things.  I clench up in the air and drop like a rock.  My landings are terrible, even if they are on my feet.  I got a running start, held my breath, and made it over about three or four of the pits before I got to one that was like, 5 FEET across and I screeched to a halt immediately.  I am not Batman - I will not pretend that I can jump that far.  That is the one and only thing I refused to do all day, and I walked around it.  I finished jumping over the rest of the totally reasonable, albeit terrifying, 3-4 foot wide pits and carried on.

5. Crawling Trenches - MORE BARBED WIRE!?  Back on my stomach, but this time I frog kicked/army crawled through the mud, under that danged barbed wire.  I am positive that THIS will be the ONE thing that they got a picture of all day.

6. Mud Pit - It was a pit...of mud.  Naturally, I got stuck and had to hold onto to a super sweet girl who took pity on me, and pulled myself out of the quicksand-ish mud.  At this point, I am already starting to be annoyed by all of the MUD.  Really unfortunate considering I had 19 more obstacles to go through.

7. Buoys - Huge pit of muddy water lined with buoys.  People were swimming under them.  They obviously didn't wear contacts.  I climbed over them all (very gracefully, I might add).

8. Tall Walls - These were huge plywood "walls" that you were supposedly going to be able to pull yourself up and over.  What am I, a Navy Seal?!  Basically, my brother-in-law boosted me as high as he could and I grabbed the top and pulled myself up onto my stomach, slowly did a 180, and fell over the other side. Then, I got my entire right leg stuck in mud up to my thigh and the trusty brother-in-law had to hold my arm while I horse-kicked my leg out of the mud (very UNgracefully, I might add).

9. Ladder Walls - Basically a repeat of #2.

10.  Show Catcher - Appropriately named, this involved wading through muddy water that dropped off in random places and varied from knee-depth to chest-depth mayhem.  Then, you got to a straight up wall of slick mud....that you were expected to climb up.  The ONLY reason I made it over was because of some awesome people that took it upon themselves to lay across the top and hold their hands down to help.  I really hope they were from out-of-state (and that I never see them again) because once I had run-climbed the wall as high as I could, they helped haul me over the top - but I landed like, ON them...and rolled down the other side. 

11. Bag Carry - This one made me laugh.  You had to throw a weighted sack across your shoulders and run to the next stop.  Please.  I carry one 30-lb. kid AND one 40-lb. kid on my shoulders/back/hips on a regular basis - at the same time.  These people should be ashamed to tell any mom that this was an "obstacle."

12. Tube Crawl - You slid down a tube, landed in mud, waded through it, and climbed up another tube.  It was harder than it sounds.

13. Pole Hop - This is an inaccuracy on their itinerary - THERE WAS MORE BARBED WIRE!  This time I just lay down in front of it and log-rolled under the whole she-bang.  Great plan, except I had no sense of time and space when I stood up on the other side.  I had to climb the mud hill on the other side at a diagonal angle because I was so dizzy, I wasn't sure where the ground was.

14. Ring Cross - These were rings that you had to swing from one to the other across a pit of muddy water.  This was the first EPIC fail I had.  My hands were so muddy that as soon as I jumped off of the platform and went to swing from one ring to the next, my hands slipped, and I went swimming.  I had to do the climb of shame out of the water hole. 

15. Mulch Climb - This was a GIGANTIC mountain of mulch that you had to literally run up and then down.  I want to know what they did with it afterwards, because my front yard is looking kind of shabby right now...

16. Balance Beam - Literally a balance beam (across a pit of muddy water, of course).  I rocked this.  All you had to do was walk...quickly and carefully.  Score.

17. Twin Peaks - I dunno what this name is supposed to mean, but what it was - in real life - was a scarily forever-long, mud tunnel under the ground that you were SUPPOSED to crawl through; but my knees and shins were so shredded at this point that I couldn't.  Instead, I crouched/squatted and used my fingertips to walk through the tunnel Orangutan-style.  Luckily it was dark, so no one could see this.  Another stupendous workout.

18. Seesaw - You had to run up a huge seesaw and then down the other side.  It looked really scary, but was easy enough to boost my confidence and lead me to believe I could try the next thing...

19. Ninja - Four boards, set at an angle, diagonally from each other, over a pit - you are SUPPOSED to "Ninja-leap" from one to the other.  I ran, jumped, and after hitting the first board, my confidence died an immediate death - I called it quits mid-air and dropped into the pit.  Epic fail #2.

20. Mount Maniac - Another appropriately named obstacle.  This was the one that I NEVER would have done, nor probably EVER could do, without help.  There was an insanely high wooden wall you had to get to the top of...then a rope wall to climb across AND up...then a slide to go down.  The wooden wall you had to "climb" was ridiculous, and if my brother-in-law hadn't pushed me while another guy pulled me, I wouldn't have made it.  I needed the guy at the top because my hands were covered in mud and and even though I could jump and grab the top of the wall, I kept slipping.  He grabbed my arm after my hands slipped the last time and ended up completely pulling me over the top of the wall.  At one point he asked me, "Are you Ok? Do you have a grip?" and I told him, "NO!  If you let go, I will fall and take down all of the people under me!!!"  He yanked me over the top and I thanked him (again, hoping he was from out-of-state).  After that, the rope floor/wall was no problem.  BUT - the slide scared the crap out of me.  Sitting at the top of it and looking down was intense.  I almost climbed back down the wall.  A girl offered to push me...but that freaked me out even more, so I just closed my eyes and did it.  Phew!

21. Superhero - We swam through....you guessed it!  Muddy water.

22. Crawl Under - MUD.

23. Pit - MUD.

24. Cargo climb - Running up...and then down...a mountain of...MUD.

25. Fire Jump - Running and jumping over three separate rows of burning logs.  Terrifying stuff for a clumsy jumper, by the way.

And then...THE FINISH LINE!  1 hour and 45 minutes after leaving the starting line, we were DONE!  It felt...insanely euphoric.  Enough so that people were actually getting ENGAGED at the finish line.  I couldn't see well enough to tell if there was a ring, and it was actually planned, or they were just CRAZY high off of the race and acting on endorphins.  My brother-in-law and I watched that madness, celebrated with a respectably brief hug and then then bee-lined to the truck to grab our phones and snap pics of each other to send to our spouses.  We're definitely bonded for life after this, but not in a Jerry Springer kind of way.  (I live in a small town, I have to state these things, sorry.)

Because I was so invincible after my race, I decided I would take advantage of my "free beer" wristband that came with my race registration.  I have been through college (including being a sorority girl) and have NEVER been able to drink a beer.  But I was a Rugged Maniac now!  Surely I could drink a beer!?  Phew - I tried.  I ended up sipping on it for 30 minutes and then had to pass it off on my brother-in-law.  Apparently, I am not THAT rugged yet.  *Gag!*

Did I enjoy it?  YES.  Will I do it again? YES.  Am I insane?  YES.

The fact that the whole thing was like a personal challenge rolled into a team-building exercise was awesome.  Hopefully, next year we can talk some people into joining us and make a whole team!  The sense of accomplishment when you cross that finish line - it's like no other!

"You are never late to live."

♥M

Jump Into Your Purpose

First let me apologize to my readers for completely abandoning you for a SOLID WEEK!  I promise that I haven't been twiddling my thumbs, though; and I hope that my excitement over why I have been absent will help you to forgive me...

Last week, I got a message out of the blue from an old co-worker at the bank.  It was one of those innocent things that can start an avalanche in your life...and this did, for sure.  The message was basically this: We (the bank) own a building that has been renovated to be a daycare.  We heard you are staying home next year, and thought you might be interested."

Psssssh!  Yeah, right.  I had made it clear to the 278 people that had previously suggested it - I was NOT opening a daycare.  That was one of those life's dreams of mine, and I was all too aware of what the venture would entail.  It would mean giving up everything (and every dollar) to strike out on my own, risk my family's security, and all just to become a small-business statistic concerning failure in the first 3 years. 

So on Friday, I went and checked out the building with the bank's V.P. 

It took my breath away.  It was so perfect, it hurt my insides.  The set-up is such that we could actually live upstairs and run the daycare downstairs.  I could live at work.  (Which is great, because I need any help I can get with my genetic predisposition to being 5 minutes late...or more...everywhere I go.)  I started dreaming on the spot...and that made me nervous.  I didn't deserve this!  I couldn't pull this off!  I didn't have start-up money for a business!  Every concern I had was waved away, only making me more hopeful...which made me REALLY nervous.  "What do you need from me?  What are you looking for?" I asked my tour guide.  The short answer?  Someone with a passion for children, who will commit to this project 100%.  Someone who will put the blood, sweat, and tears into this place to get it where it should be, and offer this community what it needs.

She described me.

I lost all control of my dreams, hopes, and "what if's." 

She handed me the key and told me to think about it over the weekend.  I spent the whole weekend obsessing, researching, and sharing my meanderings with my family.  I took the hubs to the building and showed him around.  He was immediately in love.  "M!  This is what we've been waiting for!  We can do this TOGETHER and BE TOGETHER like we always dreamed!"  I tried to talk him down.  "It's going to be our whole life!  It's all we'll do, all we'll think about, all we'll have time for!" 

"But we'll be TOGETHER.  We'll do this TOGETHER." he says.

And that was the end of my will power to say "No." 

I spent the weekend with my nose buried in business manuals, social services standards, and zoning and building code requirements.  I made lists and crunched numbers.  I called every contact I have that I thought could possibly offer me advice...or talk me out of it.  I consulted with a realtor, two social workers, a previous daycare manager, the principal of the school across from the building, someone on the county's board of supervisors, an insurance agent, a loan officer, and my pastor.  I spent hours on the Internet searching for helpful articles about starting a business, how-to blogs, and procedural manuals. 

I was a woman on a mission.

The most productive part of of it all?  Finding out exactly what people thought of me, and my potential business prowess:

"Sometimes, your plan isn't God's plan."

"Once your fire is lit on something, NO ONE can stop you - you WILL make this happen.  I know it."

"Life is like a puzzle, but you don't have the box cover with the picture, so you don't know what it's supposed to look like when you're done.  You just have to let Him fit the pieces together."

"If there was anyone that could succeed at this...it's you."

"Maybe this is what God's been preparing you for all along.  You've been through things and had experiences that, without them, you might not have been prepared to climb this hill."

"It's going to be a lot of work, but you can do it.  There isn't anyone who won't believe in you."

Wow.  As I'm sure you can imagine - hearing words like that...to your face...when you're feeling totally NOT confident...I cried.  (By the way - this stuff is documented now, y'all, so don't try to take it back when I fail miserably! Haha!)  I knew that I had super awesome friends, and that my family loved me... but to have that amount of support when you are doubting yourself?  Well, obviously, I was super awkward and said something to ruin the moment every time, but STILL - I heard their words, and it made my heart swell.

So what have I been doing this week?  Well, I have read enough state and federal material to probably fill three novels.  I have begun working on a budget and a schedule, researched and decided on a business structure, registered my business with both the state and federal government, secured my official certificate from the State Corporation Commission for my business... I've been busy. 

The to-do list is endless.  I still have to finish my research on all of the costs for start-up equipment and supplies, recruit top-notch potential employees, set up training and certification classes for said employees, get business and zoning and licensing through my town/county/state, and work my way through grants/loans. 

I should be overwhelmed. 

I'm not.  I'm enjoying the challenge.  I'm embracing the sense of accomplishment that each item checked off of the to-do list brings me.  That also worries me.  Why am I not freaking out?  Is six days just not enough time to fully realize what I am doing?  Will it sink in next week, or next month?  Or am I just actually on the path that I am meant to be on?  Am I FINALLY realizing a purpose, and a mission, and fulfilling some part of my destiny that's been waiting for me to catch up?  (Whoa, getting kind of touchy-feely again...)

Right now everything is in the "dream phase."  At any moment something could rear it's head and snatch all of my dreams away.  THAT is what my life's experience tells me.  THAT is what leaves me feeling skeptical at the conclusion of each daydream. 

But why let that stop me?  Why live waiting for the other shoe to drop? 

I can't.  I will never realize this dream unless I push through all of the self-doubt, ignore the people who aren't as supportive as my real friends and family, and take the biggest risk I've ever taken in my whole life.

Which leads me to what I decided to name my preschool.

I have faced many obstacles in my life.  Many things that I could have chosen to stumble over and not get back up from.  We all have.  Our children need to be prepared for the same thing.  If there is anything that I am passionate about, it is children...and their education beyond standardized tests and letter grades. 

Stumbling blocks in life are only stepping stones, but only for those who have been prepared to be strong, tenacious, adventuresome, and independent.

Which is why I am pleased to announce that I am the official owner and director of Stepping Stone Academy, LLC.

"Jump, and you will find out how to unfold your wings as you fall."  - Ray Bradbury

♥M



The Race to Parenthood 5K

Before I share my 5K experience, I wanted to just tell you a little bit about the race and what it was for.  The Race to Parenthood is "a fundraising platform for those who wish to start a family, but require fertility treatments or adoption to do so. Many couples require additional financial assistance to pay for IVF, IUI, adoption, or surrogacy – our organization seeks to provide a way to help those who cannot afford to fund their path to parenthood."  As someone who has NOT had to struggle to conceive, carry, or give birth to a baby....it breaks my heart to even attempt to imagine a reality in which you are denied this experience.  So whether you agree or disagree with IVF, IUI, surrogacy, or adoption, just remember - we are all following our own path in life, we all have a purpose, and we all have to trust that God's plan is better than ours.  How do you know that part of your purpose isn't to help other's follow their path?  Well, you DON'T know - so it wouldn't kill you to get off your Judgey McJudgerson bench long enough to try it out.  If you have the urge to do so, like, right now - just go to the website http://theracetoparenthood5k.com/ and make a donation.  The race is over, but they are still taking donations for each couple.  Or, if it's too hard to choose one (I couldn't do it either - I was randomly assigned a team when I registered), you can actually make ONE donation that they will split for you across all 7 of the couples.

End of public service announcements.

Let's start with what time I arrived at the race.  The race that started at 9:00am.  If you guessed 8:52am, you would be correct.  WHY?!  Because that's what I do.  I live on the edge like that.  Also, we had no idea where we were going, which left us dependant on a GPS - a GPS that kept losing it's signal.  ALSO, on the way there, I became struck with a new, overwhelming fear that I would have to pee while I was running the race.  So I made the hubs stop at a gas station.  Well, 3 gas stations actually, because the first two didn't have restrooms.

I slid right into the lineup though, no biggie.  I had my earbuds, my Map My Run app, my hubs wishing me luck...it was exciting!  Until I saw the whole thing kicked off with a big 'ol hill.  Nuh uh, Jack - I resolved to NOT trip, injure, pee, or otherwise embarrass myself today (or at least not in the first mile) so I will walk up the hill, THEN run, thank you.  "What are you doing?!" shouts the hubs.  "Uhhh, warming up!!!" I shout back. 

Once I got going it was...fun.  (Running?!  Fun?!)  I felt great, I was energized by the people around me, and the view was really nice.  Trees, water, people waving and cheering you on - but not too many people, because that would have been another problem.  I even managed to grab a cup of water from a volunteer without falling on my face or smacking the cup from her hand to the ground!  I was reciting "rules" in my head, "Ok, say thank you....Did I just shout at her? I'm not sure, I can't hear myself over my music...Crap, I'm spilling this...Oh yeah, remember to squeeze the rim so you don't dump it on yourself....Yeah, I still spilled it everywhere, oh well...What are people doing with their cups? Is this a "toss on the ground" kind of run? Nope, I see no cups on the ground....Here comes the trashcan....HA! I made it!  Tossing cups into trashcans level: Expert."  I didn't want to push my luck, though, so I politely declined water at the second table.  Too much risk involved, and I don't usually drink on a 3 mile run anyway, so why take the chance of ruining my good fortune by getting fancy with water cups. 

I was feeling so proud of myself, that I didn't even mind the 8 year-olds, 60 year-olds, or Moms with jogging strollers running past me.  My goal was just to make it to the finish line.  And when I did cross the finish line....it was pretty awesome.  The announcer said my name, bib number, and time, people took pictures, and I kind of felt like a rock star.  A really sweaty, red-faced, oxygen-deprived rock star.  I did not have to go to the first-aid tent, there were no defibrillators involved, I didn't have to lay on the pavement and ask the hubs to drag me to the car by my ankles - a great finish, in my opinion. 

After securing some hydration, and asking the hubs exactly how far ahead of me had the lady with the newborn finished, I checked my times on my app.  "OMG...I averaged 10 and 1/2 minute miles?!"  Yes, I do realize this is still a "turtle in peanut-butter" type of pace.  For me, though?  That's phenomenal.  I usually average 13 minute miles.  Apparently, having people cheer for you while you run is a real boost.  I need to look into how I can make that happen on a daily basis...

I also checked my stats online tonight from the chip on my race bib.  Overall, out of 349 people, I finished as lucky #100!  For my age category (20-29), I was the 15th out of 58 females to finish.  Because I am a strange person and I like numbers that you count by fives, these numbers make me very happy.  (This would be really useful information to have if you were to ever ride in my car, because I would be extremely annoyed with you if you were to say, change the volume of the radio to 21 instead of 20 or 25.)

I think we all know, however, that there is NO WAY that I did not have at least ONE awkward moment in this day.  Fear not!  I never disappoint you in that area!  While strolling around, checking out vendors after the race, the hubs and I ran into one of my sorority sisters from college.  One of my classic awkward moves is to hug people who are not "huggers," so I went ahead and took care of that straightaway.  Ok, awkward hug - check.  What can I do to make this worse?  Hmmm...how about be oblivious to the fact that she was one of the sponsored couples.  I hadn't recognized her married name on the website, and I guess her picture being next to it wasn't enough to help me make any connections.  Did I realize this while we were talking?  No, of course not!  I said NOTHING to the effect of acknowledging that the entire event was a fundraiser for her, her husband and 6 other couples.  So dear readers, you are welcome - I managed to slip at least one classic M-savvy moment in there.

And there you have it.  I survived my first 5K!  Now that I know I can run 3.1 miles, it's time to concentrate on being able to make it through those obstacles for the Rugged Manic in a few weeks.  Again, my goal is survival rather than finesse.  I like to set the bar low enough for the allowance of pleasant surprises when it comes to my athletic feats.  "Don't die" seems about as low as you can set it, so I should do aaamazing!

♥M

It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
- Walt Disney

P.S. THANK YOU for all of the supportive messages and well-wishes that have been sent my way today for my race, AND throughout all of my "training."  All of the kind words and support have really been an amazing source of strength whenever I needed a push or a boost. So again, THANK YOU!

High on Aspiration, Low on Ability...Part 5

The prequels!

High on Aspiration, Low on Ability

High on Aspiration, Low on Ability....Part 2

High on Aspiration, Low on Ability....Part 3

High on Aspiration, Low on Ability....Part 4

Since I started running in January,  I've crossed a few things off of my bucket list.  I've never run a whole mile in my entire life, so all of this is really....something.  I was always one of the kids strolling around the field, getting a 20 minute mile for my Phys. Ed. test.  Now my record is 6.5 miles in one run.  I ran from my house to my parent's house, and I called my mom before I left. "Hey, if I run to your house, will you give me a lift home?  I sure as hell ain't running back."  "Oh, well I'm not home from the grocery store yet..." "Ma, I'm running there, not driving....you got a while." (1 hour and 26 minutes to be exact.  She made it home in PLENTY of time.)

I made an attempt two weeks ago to reenter the running world. I had been easing my ankle into things with the elliptical, and wasn't planning on running anywhere just yet.  BUT...the kids wanted to go see the cows in the pasture behind my parent's house.  "What does that have to do with anything?!" an inquiring mind might ask.  I really wish there was a sensical answer to that...but there isn't.

As it turns out, a sufficient level of satisfaction could not be reached by simply LOOKING at the cows.  The totally reasonable, undemanding children wanted to PET the cows.  Unfortunately, cows aren't really creatures that are known for wanting to BE petted...so they all ran away.  Luckily, the totally reasonable, undemanding children had an alternate proposal - if THEY couldn't pet the cows, the next best thing was (obviously) for ME to pet the cow for them.

There was crying and talk of depression over broken cow-petting dreams - so I did what any normal person who happened to have her running kicks on would do - I chased the stupid cows.  One of the cows stopped running (they are HUGE at arms distance, by the way) and we stood there looking at each other.  I thought we were like, bonding through eye contact or something, so I held my hand out... and it snorted at me.  Once my feet landed back on the ground from jumping out of my skin, I took off.  THAT was probably my fastest mile to date.  It's a damn shame I didn't flip my Map My Run app on before I bolted...

Then, I had a stomach bug two weeks in a row and have been all but worthless.  I think I've gotten two good runs in the past two weeks.  And by "good" I mean "I didn't throw up and/or die."

This weekend, I have my first 5K...definitely not something the kid leisurely walking 20 minute miles ever anticipated signing up for.  I'll let you know how that goes.  I do plan on surviving the race - without hitting up the first aid tent.  I did a practice run tonight (3.1 miles) and that didn't totally do me in, so things are looking good.  I had to stop and walk a few times, and I'm pretty sure I shook off a heart attack once or twice....so just the usual.  I got this!

♥M

Financial Fools No More

 

 

4.5 years...that's how long the hubs and I have been waiting for TODAY. 

As of today, we are 100% credit card debt free.

I am not sharing this because I think we deserve praise for digging our way back to the surface of our debt; I am sharing this because I think that it's important for people know it can be done. 

Neither of us were unsuspecting or naive about how revolving credit worked; so we can't plead any kind of ignorance about getting into the situation that we found ourselves in.  We whole-heartedly agreed from the beginning that credit cards were dangerous, not to be toyed with, and had no place in our lives as a financial crutch.

Then life got a little more real.  I left home my junior year of college.  I had student loans to pay for my tuition and books, but there were a lot of "extra" expenses that weren't in the shiny university pamphlet....like a laptop, lab fees, student activity fees, etc., etc. etc.  I kept my part-time job as a bank teller (just transferred branches); but now I had full-time living expenses as well.  I had always paid for my own car, car insurance, and cell phone...now there was an apartment (with running water, electricity, AND cable), A LOT more gas being burned in my car, and I had to actually feed myself at least once a day.   Being an "independent" adult turned out to be a real drag.

At first I kept a budget and did okay.  Gradually, however, as my feelings of independence grew, I loosened my grip on the "NO" word with myself.  I was in charge of me now, and I didn't need approval for every little thing I wanted.  There was no one chanting "can't afford that can't afford that can't afford that" every time I wanted to spend money.  It was empowering to want something...and then buy it.  Don't get me wrong, I wasn't going on shopping sprees or buying "designer" anything.  I WAS buying a new pair of jeans at Old Navy for a party that weekend, ordering pizza when friends came over instead of cooking, and buying stuff for my apartment that I definitely didn't need to survive.  I was also charging my "living expenses" and justifying it by paying the full balance every month...until I WASN'T paying the full balance every month. 

I still had a loose handle on my spending...until I got engaged.  Then I lost my damn mind.  I was going to have the wedding I wanted, and I would pay for it later.  A lot later.  Like, until yesterday. 

What I hadn't really thought long and hard enough about was the fact that I wouldn't be gainfully employed for quite a while after we got married.  I had to give up my super awesome job as a bank teller (for real, I loved that job) to student teach.  And you don't get paid to student teach.  Quite the opposite, actually - you pay them quite handsomely to complete your student teaching requirements (and to take the umpteen tests required for your license...and secure your actual state license...)  And complete mine I did - in DECEMBER.  Not a lot of teaching jobs laying around in the middle of the school year.  We limped along, though, with me substituting the rest of that year; but by the time the student loan statements started showing up, the numbers on the credit card were almost rubbed smooth.

In 2009, the Credit CARD Act went into effect.  This credit card reform law required credit card companies to play a little more fairly - and be a little more honest about their fine print.  The jerks at the credit companies were no longer allowed to hike interest rates without advance notice, sneak attack you with due dates that bounced around every month (or had cutoff times of the day for payments), charge outrageous late fees ($25 cap now), or charge you "over the limit" fees unless you "opted-in" to that service.  All of those things were nice, but what got my attention was the new box on every statement that broke down for you exactly how long it would take you to pay your card off if you continued to make your monthly minimum payments....and how much you would have actually paid them. 

After noticing that horrifyingly eye-opening little box on our statements, we made an appointment with a local Clearpoint counselor.  We had made a lot of really bad decisions, and trust me, I'm sure we aren't done doing that, but THIS was an AWESOME one.  Clearpoint's Debt Management Program was the kick in the butt that we needed to get on track.  Basically, they took over all of our cards and negotiated lower interest rates, higher principal payments, and fast-tracked us towards paying everything off.  Luckily, we had never missed any payments or been late on anything, so our credit was still good.... but we did have to cut up all of our cards and weren't eligible to secure any loans or credit accounts while on the program. 

For the first few months, you may as well have cut off  my arm.  It was a serious reality check to not be able to stop at the store and pick up something because I didn't have the cash for it, or to have to turn down friends' invitations to go out because the funds were non-existent.  Shortly after signing up for the program, life changed even more drastically; and we survived two maternity leaves and multiple instances of the hubs being out of work due to injury or lack of business.  We survived medical bills, student loans, buying baby formula for two out those four years, and buying diapers for all four of them.  We made tough decisions about what to spend our last $20.00 on some weeks.  We ate dinner at my parents house...and took home leftovers...A LOT. 

It took serious adjustments to our way of thinking and to our lifestyle, but it was all worth it for TODAY.  Up until now, I was embarrassed about the fact that we were on a debt management program.  I was embarrassed that I had managed to graduate college magna cum laude AND be a victim of something as stupid as credit cards at the same time.  But not today.  Today, I am proud of how hard we worked to leave that debt behind us.  I am proud of my husband for all of the extra work he did to make the money we needed to provide for our family.  I am proud of how savvy I turned out to be with random food in the cabinet at dinner time.  I am proud of the juggling skills I learned when it came to making the credits and debits of our checking account work out JUST right each month.

More than proud, however, I am GRATEFUL.  I am grateful that we had awesome friends who didn't ditch us because we couldn't afford to go out.  I am grateful that we had loving parents who slipped us gas money when we were living on one income while paying medical bills, or invited us to dinner then sent us home with "extra" food...sometimes once a week.  I am grateful that we had trustworthy, affordable babysitters for our children so that we could go to work.  I am grateful that I learned how to be empathetic to those who have to make decisions based on living paycheck to paycheck, or not having a paycheck at all.

And - at the risk of this starting to sound like an award acceptance speech ("First and foremost, I would like to thank God...") - I AM grateful that, as a Christian, I have been able to recognize the fact that sometimes, some weeks, some months....things did not make sense on paper, they shouldn't have worked out according to the numbers...but they did.  We never missed a house payment, our kids always had food to eat, and no one disowned us for getting really crappy Christmas presents a few of those years.  (Thanks, guys!) 

We did it.

Watch out student loans - you're next.

♥M

Survivor: The Sick Mom + Birthday Party Episode

 

I was just plain arrogant when I claimed to NOT be stressed out about the upcoming birthday party, earlier this week. (Spring Party Planning Madness) 

In  making that claim, I did what I do best - I spit in the face of Murphy's Law, shook my fist at fate, and dared life to throw me it's best curve ball.

Which is why, in my opinion, I was stricken with a stomach bug Thursday night.  I spent the night in the bathroom floor, trying to remember why similar situations hadn't seemed nearly as traumatic in college after a good frat party.  (Probably because I had been to a good frat party...and didn't have to work in the morning...and throw a party for 20 little kids the day after that.)

The next morning, the hubs made valiant efforts at being a nurse.  He was shocked (SHOCKED, I tell you) to learn of my illness, and couldn't imagine how he had missed out on all of the action.  He brought me water and an English muffin.  The 4-year-old drank the water and the 2-year-old ate the English muffin.  While our 2-year-old jumped up and down on my stomach shouting, "Mom. Mom. MOM. MOOOOOM!" there were offers made of people staying home and taking care of me. I informed my family that I loved them very much, but that if they loved me - they would leave. 

It was quiet.  I slept all day.  My party of dutiful nurses returned home that evening, bringing with them gifts of Gatorade, mac-n-cheese....and fish sticks.  (I just.........fish sticks?!)  I said thank you, drank the Gatorade, made myself a bagel, and returned to the couch to continue dying slowly.

I spent a good 15 minutes being jumped on, took one good headbutt to the nose from the youngest, told the hubs no, I wasn't quite up to changing poop diapers yet, and squashed a half-dozen temper-tantrums over the kids not being able to drink after me because all of a sudden, Gatorade was the only thing they had ever wanted to drink, ever, in their whole life, and I was a total "meanie-butt" for not allowing them to partake of it.  I announced that I was going to take a bath.  I will not lie - I just wanted to hide in the bathroom.

My hiding spot was safe for 2 minutes and 16 seconds.  Then the door opened, and my two lovely daughters came in to check on me...each dragging one of their little folding chairs behind them.  They set up their little chairs and sat there eating pretzels.  I closed my eyes and pretended to be very boring, so they would consider relocating.  I gave up on the bath 10 minutes later.  By then, there was a handful of pretzels, a blue crayon, and one of Daire's socks floating in the tub with me.  There had been an assassination attempt on my cell phone.  They had "helped" me wash my hair.  Daire had tried to get in the tub with me - with her clothes on.  By the time they went to bed, I went too.  The alarm had rung, my "sick day" was over and I needed to put my game face on for the next day. 

I felt fine this morning - my "bug" was behind me, and I was ready to throw a party for my babies.  I still wasn't freaking out because I have AMAZING people in my life who had set up and decorated everything for me.  Thank you, baby Jesus! 

We arrived at our church (a.k.a the party site) and the bounce house was being delivered.  It was time to cue a mini-panic attack.  It was raining, so the bounce house was being set up indoors.  Scratch that - the ceiling was ONE FOOT too short, so the bounce house was NOT going to be set up indoors.  That's ok.  We will come up with a Plan B.  No?  Ok, Plan C...Plan D...Plan E?!  I started feeling sick again.

We settled on a suitable location for the bounce house outdoors (the portico turned out to be perfect...whew!)  Disaster averted.  Ok, now we're late to pick up the pizza.  No big deal, I called ahead it will be ready.  It was not ready.  I called yesterday.  The hubs reported the following conversation:

Hubs:  I'm here to pick up 16 pizzas.
Pizza Guy:  *shouting over his shoulder, to another employee* HEY - that order WAS for today!
Hubs:  Soooo...they're not ready.
Pizza Guy:  Not really...you were supposed to be here at 11:30...
Hubs:  Soooo....you had an EXTRA 30 minutes....
Pizza Guy: Oh...well, yeah.
Hubs:  It's ok, how long do I have to wait?
Pizza Guy: 10 minutes.
Hubs:  ....you're going to make 16 pizzas in 10 minutes?
Pizza Guy: Uhhhhh....

An hour later, the hubs showed up with pizza.  He was alarmed about our country's future in the hands of today's youth.  I was glad I had stopped and picked up the chips and dip.

The rest of the day was a blur of happy chaos and memory making.  The girls were happy with their party and I was happy to watch them be happy.  I didn't get a lot of pictures, but such is the story when you're in the moment. 

Every year, I learn a little more about throwing the "perfect" birthday party.  Little tips and tricks on everything from a cheaper or easier way to do something, a better way to organize things, or "the" best way to set it all up.  This year, I decided that we will just leave town next year.  We are "eloping" for their birthdays.

I reserve the right to recall the genius of this same plan for any and all holidays.

♥M

Spring Party Planning Madness

 

The girls' birthday party is in 6 days, and I'm NOT my usual stressball of party planning....which leads me believe that I am overlooking something major.  Or, maybe I'm just getting better at going with the birthday party flow....

I am a notorious birthday party planning freaker-outer.  It all started with the oldest's first birthday.  She was the first and the only, so when Jace turned one, I had to have every detail just so.  I had a Fancy Nancy-themed party, complete with Jace's picture on a personalized birthday banner, every decoration/balloon/serving tray in the right place, and custom invitations from Etsy.  My sister-in-law made a cake that could have been for a wedding.  My brother-in-law practically broke out a level to hang the streamers.  My cousin took pictures, my husband took video, and I almost had a stroke making sure everything was perfect.

I really intended to turn things down a notch with the second birthday.  Except I was pregnant with daughter #2, and if you remember from A Second Love, I was going a little crazy trying to prove to myself that I could still give the same amount of attention to Jace as always.  Which resulted in an extreme Lalaloopsy-themed party...before they made Lalaloopsy themed party decorations.  I made my own invitations, scoured the internet for party favor ideas, and labored over the decorations.  I stressed over each of the 5 seperately-themed tables I set up.  Each one was based on a different doll with appropriate colors and themed items for that character.  Jace had the perfect party outfit, a huge cake, and of course, lots of pictures were taken.

By the third birthday, I was stretching myself a little thin.  I had to pull off the perfect Tinkerbell party for Jace, and then follow up with a one-of-a-kind Strawberry Shortcake themed first birthday for Daire a few weeks later.  They each had the right banners, balloons, tablecloths, themed party food and drinks, and of course - the personalized invitations from the cute little Etsy shop.  I had to do all of this while throwing a baby shower for one friend, a bachelorette party for another, and be the matron-of-honor in the wedding while sweating over my three-year-old being the flower girl at the same time.  I did it.  It almost killed me, but I did it. 

Maybe I have party-planning PTSD, but this year I am not allowing myself to reach any of my previous levels of hysteria.  For one thing, they don't give a rip about all of the decorations or the handmade, themed crap that I slave over. I knew this all along, but kept telling myself "one day they'll look back at the pictures and be so impressed." Yeah, right.  Get over yourself, lady.

For the sake of helping to reform any of my bretheren party-planner crazies out there - here are some of the things I have learned from my party-planning-zilla moments over the past few years:

1. If you work 45 hours a week and have two small children, it's Ok to not have time to hot glue stuff, teach yourself how to make cake pops, and whip up 3 tons of finger food for an event.

2. If you hate baking and kind of suck at it anyway, there are people out there who do such for a living and will gladly accept cash payment for taking over the burden of creating edible masterpieces that people will actually want to eat at your party.  If you're really worried about it, just throw it all on your own serving dishes and let people think you made it all.  *Warning: Your guests could potentially ask for the recipe or try to get you to bring said items to a future event.  Not that I've done that....I'm just saying, it could happen.

3. If you're a big fan of taking money out of your wallet and lighting it on fire, then please, by all means, spend tons of it on balloons and streamers.  You will only have to sit and pop $45 worth of helium balloons exactly 3 hours after filling them ONE TIME for that lesson to stick.  Also, the physical anguish of ripping down streamers that you spent hours putting up is almost unbearable.

4.  Children are not impressed with your organized activities.  Attempt to entertain them with well-thought out party games and they will yawn right before they run outside to play tag or roll around in the floor playing with balloons. 

5. No one cares if your party food fits the theme.  They just want to be fed.  Your tea cakes and fruit kabobs are cute, but order some pizza and everyone is happy.  They will also be grateful that you compensated them with an adequate food suply in exchange for having to spend their afternoon at a kid's birthday party as opposed to the 4 million other things they could do on a Saturday.

6. The birthday invitations and party favors ultimately end up in the same place: the trash can.  It causes me a lot less pain to imagine you throwing away the flyers I got printed at Staples, than the cute Etsy invite I had printed with the kids' names and pictures on them.  I gave up completely on stressing over favor bags.  I save money and you don't have to step on little plastic toys in your living room floor.  You're welcome!

7. Delegate.  I have had to relax greatly over the years as far as accepting help goes.  I used to be a "must do everything myself or it won't be done right" person.  Now I'm a "someone else offered to do it, THANK GOD I can take something off of my to-do list" person.  Someone offers to bring food?  Sure!  My mom offers to pick up the cakes?  Yes ma'am!  My sister wants to help decorate or a lady from church offers to do the centerpieces?  YES, YES, YES, and THANK YOU!

This year both girls wanted the same theme (Sofia the First).  Jackpot.  ONE party, ONE set of invitations to make, ONE day of freaking out about putting up decorations, and ONE load of party food to buy.  I felt guilty they weren't each getting their own party...for like 5 minutes, then I rented a bounce house and called the whole party planned.  Aaaaand DONE.

♥M

My Sensitive Child (a.k.a. "The Drama Queen")

We've jokingly called my oldest daughter "the drama queen" since she was a toddler.  The older she gets, however, the more I recognize her for what she is - a "highly sensitive" child. 

I first got turned on to this notion while reading some random parenting article.  I couldn't get over how spot-on the article was in relation to Jace and her behaviors.  I had previously recognized little things here and there - what worked when disciplining her, or what she responded to the best when presenting something new.  Somewhere along the way, a lot of my concepts and ideals of parenting changed to fit the kind of child she is, as opposed to what the perfect child was supposed to be in response to my "perfect" parenting skills (i.e. the defense techniques I had read in a book).

In Jace's case, she just needs a certain tone, a certain presentation of expectations, a clear cut definition of consequences (NOT threats) in order to respond positively.  This can be said about a lot of children, though.  What made things really "click" for me, made me really "buy into" all of this "highly sensitive" mumbo-jumbo, was a combination of many articles and my ever-efficient "M-research."  I'm sure I'm not alone in that I take paranoid journeys driven towards discovery when it comes to my children.

According to The Highly Sensitive Person (and their Parent Checklist) these are some of the qualities of a highly sensitive child:

-startles easily
-complains about scratchy clothing, seams in socks, or labels against his/her skin
-doesn't usually enjoy big surprises
-learns better from a gentle correction than strong punishment
-seems to read my mind
-uses big words for his/her age
-notices the slightest unusual odor
-has a clever sense of humor
-seems very intuitive
-is hard to get to sleep after an exciting day
-doesn't do well with big changes
-wants to change clothes if wet or sandy
-asks lots of questions
-is a perfectionist
-notices the distress of others
-prefers quiet play
-asks deep, thought-provoking questions
-is very sensitive to pain
-is bothered by noisy places
-notices subtleties (something that's been moved, a change in a person's appearance, etc.)
-considers if it is safe before climbing high
-performs best when strangers aren't present
-feels things deeply

Not all, but most of these apply to Jace.  That sent me looking me for more information, because God knows, I'm probably screwing this all up and traumatizing her daily with my horrendous parenting, right?  Thankfully, this was not the case.  I was actually reassured by a lot of what I read. 

Sensitive children respond better to requests and logic than to harsh discipline and raised voices (the latter will typically result in the exact behavior you are trying to avoid or correct.)  Luckily, I had picked up on this already with Jace, and usually try to present things in a way that's more of a "Hey, let's do this together..." kind of approach.  Doesn't ALWAYS work, but definitely gets better results than "Go do such and such RIGHT NOW!"

Sensitive children will start to "act out" (or as I say, "You're showing your tail!") when they become overly stimulated or tired.  I had noticed that when Jace has friends over, or when we are in a large social group, she can turn into a total monster.  The only way to adjust that is to remove her from the situation and calmly explain to her exactly what she is doing that's super crappy.  Time-out or yelling always just makes her lash back.  Explaining that a certain behavior or tone of voice makes her sound "mean" or "makes Mommy upset and disappointed" SEEMS to work better.  I have to be careful how I phrase everything, however; because any slight inclination that I'm shaming, embarrassing, or laughing at her makes her totally shut down and/or have a meltdown.  It's a seriously tricky tightrope that I walk with these "discipline talks" and it's straight up exhausting.  Sometimes I get it just right and feel like "Mom of the Universe," but I'm not going to lie....I've also been known to totally blow it...and she ends up crying on my shoulder...and I feel like crap for a mom.

Sensitive children need language to describe their feelings.  If they aren't able to understand or explain how they feel, then they will just lose it completely.  I'm not a hippie or anything, but "feeling" words are a big thing for me with my kids.  I want to make sure that they can not only describe how they feel, but that they understand it's ok to feel ANYTHING - what matters is how you ACT on it.  If they are angry about something (or at me), I try to teach them that it's ok to be mad, but there are acceptable ways to handle that emotion.  Go scream into your pillow, cool off by yourself, and when you're ready to tell me what's wrong, we can talk about it.  I try to avoid getting sucked into an argument or anyone yelling at each other.  That never seems to end well. 

Sensitive children are terrible with transitions.  Really and truly, though, most people are.  I decided a long time ago that if I were doing something that I thought was super important and someone said, "Hey stop that right now, and come with me," it would probably piss me off pretty badly.  So then I kind of understood why I was being met with resistance when I would say, "Ok, time to ____, come on!"  The solution was a forehead-slapping easy one.  All I had to do was say, "Ok, 5 more minutes and then we gotta go!"  And then there was no problem.  It's beautiful.  That was all it took.  Just a simple heads-up before transitioning. 

Sensitive children are very critical of themselves.  It's so important to filter yourself when you think that you are offering advice.  A lot of the time, no matter how well-intended your words are, they WILL be taken as criticism when spoken to a child who is highly sensitive.  The best way to avoid them running from the room crying, while you stand there scratching your head, trying to figure out what you said - start everything with a positive.  And I don't mean, "Great cartwheel, BUT you're supposed to keep your legs straight."  I mean, "Awesome, cartwheel!  Show me that way you do it with your legs straight!"  Don't get the difference?  They will.

Some of the best material I found was by a psychotherapist, Elaine N. Arnon, Ph.D. (The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Them).  She wrote this about highly sensitive children:



"First, appreciate that this is a wonderful trait. It is no illness or syndrome. Nor is it something new I made up or 'just discovered.'  It is an inborn temperament or style that is found in about twenty percent of children and of nearly all animals. Anything so persistent is not abnormal. It represents a strategy of taking everything into account before acting (the other, more common innate strategy is to act quickly and be first, then think later). The trait serves an important purpose for the individual sensitive person and for the larger society--for example, sensitive persons sense danger and see the consequences of an action before others do.

Unfortunately, the trait has been somewhat misunderstood in our culture, so that most psychologists and parents tend to see only one aspect of some sensitive children and call this trait shyness, inhibitedness, fearfulness, fussiness, or 'hyper' sensitivity. If one could see inside the mind of a sensitive child, however, one would learn the whole story of what is going on--creativity, intuition, surprising wisdom, empathy for others...

But, for all of that to blossom, they absolutely must be raised with understanding. Otherwise, as adults they are prone to depression, anxiety, and shyness."



Omg....no pressure.  If I screw this up, though, my kid will just be shy, depressed, and anxious forever.  Crap. 

The biggest piece of advice that I think I gleaned from all of my reading was this:  Parenting a sensitive child is not about changing them, it's about changing how you parent.  Do not force society's demands onto your child.  Your job is to nudge them into trying new things, without making them feel as if you won't be there or love them as much if they can't "be like other kids."

The bottom line:

Love them. 

Maybe I got this after all....

♥M