Last of the Lasts

I passed out my last set of report cards, packed my classroom for the last time, and waved goodbye to my last second grade class.

I feel... sad... happy... nostalgic... excited... conflicted. 

I will miss my students and all of their unconditional love.  The stories, hugs, handmade gifts and cards...  The quirks, class jokes, and comfortable routines that you fall into...  The joy in their faces when they "get it" and the pleasure they show when you recognize their hard work and success...  Watching them grow and mature and become smarter, more independent people by the end of each year...Those are the things I will miss about "my kids."

 I will miss my co-workers and the bond that we share over a job that no one really understands without actually living it every day.  The people that I've spent years "in the trenches" with... The people that have thrown me baby showers, been reassigned with, suffered through the worst staff development workshops with, laughed with, cried on, and supported me during tough times...  Those are the people I will miss being with every day.

I will miss joking with the janitors, practicing my crappy Spanish with the cafeteria manager, driving the secretary crazy by forgetting to do my attendance, and leaving coupons for headache medicine on the guidance counselor's desk.

I will miss banging on the door while my breastfeeding co-worker is pumping and ordering a milkshake to go.  I will miss out on taking down my friends snowman decorations and replacing them with white paper "puddle" cut-outs in the floor.  I won't get to use my line, "Do you REALLY want me to answer that?" in faculty meetings anymore.

I will miss my second grade team... my "Mama P," my "Bossy Brother," and being the "Bratty Sister."  You rarely in life find a niche that you fit so perfectly into as the three of us have over the years. 

There are a lot of things, and a lot of people that I will miss.

There are some that I won't.

For a big, fat start - I will not miss working somewhere where I am treated like a hostile life form from Planet Idiot every day.  I will not miss being talked down to, being manipulated, or having to watch my back all day, every day.  I will not miss the stress of always waiting for the next "thing" that I've done wrong, said wrong, or haven't done/said at all.  I will not miss the anxiety of being called to the office, but having no clue why.  I will not miss being snooped on, torn down, and picked apart on a regular basis.  I will not miss the anger that I feel when I watch my co-workers go through the same thing.  I will not miss having to smile and pretend like it doesn't bother me.

I will not miss having to "hold it."  Teachers are real people, with real bladders, people.  We deserve accolades for many things, but the number one thing we deserve recognition for is possessing the superhuman power of being able to go 8 hours without a bathroom break. 

I will not miss leaving my own children every morning.  I will not miss trying to get ready for work while they grab onto my legs, pull on my shirt, cry and beg for me to hold them and stay home. 

Teaching is not a job.  Teaching is who you are, what you do, and the thing that you love. 

At what point do you stop accepting the things that "come with the job," though?  When do you say, "No, that's NOT okay."  Just because we've gotten used to being treated a certain way, assigned certain tasks, or being taken advantage of....does that make it okay?  Teachers suffer many injustices for the sake of teaching.  We are told, however, that if we DON'T - then we must not really love our job, don't care about the kids enough, or aren't as "dedicated" as we could/should be.

I will never quit teaching...but I have quit "accepting."

"Sometimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength.  We walk away not because we want others to realize our worth and value, but because we realize our own."

♥M

P.S. I try to never disappoint you when you comes to awkward moments, so allow me to share my "speech" from our End of the Year Luncheon...

I attempted to graciously accept a parting gift and return to my seat sans embarrassing myself, but no such luck.  Right as I got to my chair, The Boss asked, "Aren't you going to say anything?" 

Ummmmm....  What to say on the fly?  What indeed.

"Well...this is awkward.  I guess if you know any 2-12 year-old children that need childcare in the fall, please refer them to Stepping Stone Academy.  Oh, and I'm accepting applications if anyone wants a job."

I did throw in something at the end about enjoying my years at the school, etc. 

Public speaking on the fly is not my forte. 

I Told You So

 

 

I did the usual, "What do I want to write about tonight...hmmmm...?" and then decided to give up and give in to the personal rant in my head.  I might as well get it out so I can clear my mind.  I just had such an interesting experience today, that it's still bouncing around in there.

Have you ever had someone tell you, "I know you're right and the other person is wrong, but since they are upset, you just need to agree to make them feel better."  That's a summary of a super awesome 30 minutes of my life that I won't get back from today.

Here's the thing - I almost said, "Ok."  Then something happened...and I have a pretty good hunch what it was.  It's this damn blog.  I told you in my very first post that the freedom of speech afforded to me by writing on the world wide web could go to my head and things could get crazy.  "No, it'll be great!" they said.  "Start a blog!" they said. 

NOT that I was inclined to hide my feelings before I started the blog, but I have lost juuuuust a little bit more of my ability to remember that there is no backspace when you're talking out loud to an actual person.  Oh, yeah. Whoops.

So I did not say, "Ok."  Instead I expressed my condolences that the person was "highly upset" with me, but that I felt it fair to share that I myself was "highly upset" at being expected to fold over and accept blame for something that I hadn't done.  Furthermore, I cited a dozen AWESOME things that I had done for this person without anyone noticing THOSE things - so if we were going to say that I had screwed something up - when I DIDN'T - then let's make sure we paint the whole picture.  I get no pleasure out of anyone else being upset, but MAN, am I sick of there being no consideration given to the fact that I have feelings too.

Should I have just said, "Ok?"  Maybe....but sometimes you have to remind people (and yourself) that being easygoing and laid-back is not the same thing as being a doormat.  Just because I can get along with anyone doesn't mean that I won't push back.

 

All done.  Thanks for listening! ;)

♥M