So I did some research on "emotional compartmentalization" tonight. I was inspired by my extremely "off" day today, and being curious about how I might do a better job at this, I empowered myself through Google. Some articles left me slightly confused about whether it's a good defense mechanism...or an alarming symptom of being a sociopath. Yikes.
I think we all do it though. When you're at work, you focus on who you are as an employee and what you need to accomplish during your time there that day - in that particular capacity. When you leave your job, your focus shifts to whatever other role you are switching gears to. For me it's usually straight to "mom mode." When I am with my kids I am in their moment, and they are my focus. (Kind of hard NOT to be, they're kind of demanding...) There are so many other "gears" to switch between, though...so many other roles and responsibilities to keep lined up in a row. Sometimes you forget which "gear" you're supposed to be in, or it's necessary to cross the wires and be in more than one at a time. That's when my neatly arranged "compartments" get messy and require a lot of extra balancing.
This week, I've been extra foggy. My grandmother is not doing well, and I'm not doing a very good job at figuring out how to fit that into my "acceptable emotions compartment." Therefore, I am pretending like it's not happening. I had a very candid conversation with her ICU nurse yesterday, and I appreciated all of her honesty when answering my extremely direct questions. I'm just not yet ready to absorb her answers, however, so I will just tuck them away for examination at a later time. Not today. Probably not tomorrow.
The problem with switching parts of your brain on and off is that the things you push back, with the intention of ignoring them, have a certain way of niggling their way up to the front anyway. It might just show up in different ways than you'd think. I've been extra spacey, extra forgetful, less engaged when having conversations...detached, I guess.
Which is what led me to believe that I needed some advice on doing a better job at "compartmentalizing." Here's a summary of my "research." I may have added some of my own advice, as well. You know I can't help myself.
To Compartmentalize, Or Not To Compartmentalize?
1. It's ok to compartmentalize....as long as you're not like, schizo about it and have multiple families and/or identities (i.e. Bill Clinton, Batman...Ted Bundy).
2. Use compartmentalizing as a way of being in control of your psyche for the sake of productivity - NOT for the purpose of avoiding or separating from your feelings. That latter one will turn you into one of those weirdos that starts screaming at the check-out girl for putting a can of corn in the same bag as your bananas. No one wants that.
3. DO NOT multi-task. (Whaaaaaaaat?!?!) It only takes your focus away from whatever you are trying to immerse yourself in at that time, and it will NOT increase the number of tasks you check off of your to-do list - it will in fact, keep you from accomplishing as much in the long run. I know...crazy, right?!
4. It's ok to tuck difficult, personal things away - IF YOU RETURN to them later and deal with them. Again, let's not get all "rocking-in-the-corner-while-hugging-your-knees," Ok?
5. Do not waste valuable time obsessing over things that you have no control over. If thinking about it isn't going to magically fix it, then DON'T. Move on. Go be distracted. Unless credit card debt is one of the things you're trying not to think about, then I suggest retail-therapy. You don't even have to buy anything. Pretend you're shopping for a new recliner and read a book in the furniture store. (Just be sure to switch chairs every 10 minutes or so, or they might get suspicious).
6. If you are compartmentalizing your life to the point that the thought of different areas merging frightens you, then you have gone too far. If your co-workers and your family couldn't discuss you without feeling as if they were talking about two different people...then you have a problem. Do you hide under tables, duck behind displays, or put a pair of sunglasses on if you are with people from one "part" of your life, and see people from another "part?" Get some help, man.
7. Learn to say "NO." If you are even bothering to compartmentalize your life, then you probably shouldn't be adding any extra commitments or taking on any additional huge responsibilities without cutting something else out. Sometimes we are all narcissistic enough to think that we "have to" do something because if we don't, then it might not get done (i.e. might not get done OUR WAY). The truth is, you aren't the only one out there with any particular skill set. Sorry to break it to you, but there are probably people actually waiting for you to move over so they can have a turn.
Now go, be merry, and compartmentalize away, my friends! Just don't be a weirdo about it.
♥M
No comments:
Post a Comment