Today, I did something that I know better than to do. It all started with a check-up at the pediatrician's office for the youngest...then turned into a lunch date with the hubs on his break....and then we needed a new faucet in the kitchen because ours busted this morning...and then I couldn't go home without new throw pillows for the couch. The kids were just behaving so beautifully, that I temporarily lost my mind. I got greedy. Parents know what all good gamblers know: When it's going good, get out before it goes bad. I know this rule. I try to follow this rule. I'm just really bad at gambling.
I was surprised at how smoothly the doctor's appointment went. This made me cocky, so the kids brought me down a notch at lunch with all the standard restaurant shenanigans. There was nothing that I couldn't wield a distraction or a bribe at though, so I'm still feeling pretty sure of myself at this point. Mistake #1 went down here, though. I let the oldest order lemonade at lunch. She only gets milk or water usually, so NATURALLY she guzzled the stuff like they were going to quit making it any second.
On her third "I gotta pee!!!" trip, we were in Home Depot and walked past rugs. Rugs made me remember that we bought a new rug for the living room. Which made me remember that we bought the rug because I had bought new curtains. Which made me remember that both the rug and the curtains were in a a closet because I refused to use them until I had throw pillows to match. Since I only go shopping about once every other month I still don't have throw pillows. I need throw pillows. Right now.
At the next store, I am informed by the sales clerk that the color I want is not "in" right now. Now I have been challenged. No matter that I have already bribed my small children with lemonade (resulting in two more trips to the bathroom at this point). I am now buying them a chocolate chip cookie because I promised them popcorn if they behaved... and the blessed popcorn machine is broken, BUT they have cookies right there, eye-level at the stinkin' counter.
The girls were still being GOOD, though. THIS is when I should have quit while the quitting was good. THIS is when I got greedy. "I think we should go home now, y'all haven't had a nap and we've been out a long time," is what I said. "We're not tired, Mom. We promise to be good," is what the oldest kid says. So because I'm an awesome parent, and take advice from my 3 1/2 yr. old, I went to "one more store."
The phrase "one more store" is synonymous with "the kiss of shopping death." Horrible things happened in that last store. We made it out, however, and with me still feeling like I had a good grip on things...and myself. The bags are in the car (no pillows - I don't even want pillows anymore), the kids are buckled into their seats, and then I hear..."I gotta pee!"
You'll be relieved to know that all of us made it home. I thought I had suffered enough to keep me from repeating my mistake for a while, but karma saw fit to continue punishing me...lest I forget my sins. I mean, what did I expect? They have not had a nap. I did this to myself.
I survived dinner by grinding my teeth and playing classical music in my head. Even when I was simultaneously being shouted at by the hubs to "Come hold this faucet in place while I tighten it!" and by the kids "I'm too tired to feed myself! Mooooooom! Come feed me!" (What?!) I kept my grip on sanity. The second they finished eating, though, I stuck them in the bathtub, told the hubs "Don't let them drown," and went outside to sit on the porch. I needed a time-out.
I was outside for nearly an entire 3 minutes when James flung the door open, announced "Daire pooped in the tub," and walked away. This is when I lost it... I started laughing - hysterically. Of course she pooped in the tub! Why in the hell WOULDN'T she poop in the tub right now?!
After I finished scooping poop out of the drain, scrubbing the bathtub, and re-bathing the kids, my phone rang. I'm off tomorrow for a snow day. Apparently, my debt to karma has been paid. Thank you, baby Jesus.
♥M
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