I've been thinking a lot this weekend about friends... specifically, that I have really good ones. More specifically, that I'm not always a great one.
I try. I really do. For some reason, I have been blessed with friends in my life that remember birthdays, anniversaries, and even if I mentioned having a doctor's appointment. I suck at remembering my own birthday, anniversary, AND doctor's appointments.
You will tell me repeatedly when and where you are going on vacation and I will still call you that week and ask if you want to go to the gym or out to dinner because I have no idea where you are. I will probably forget to tell you when I leave for vacation and you will likely not know where I am because every time you asked me when I was going away I said, "I dunno...it's written down somewhere..."
I forget to answer texts, return phone calls, and always R.S.V.P. to things a week after the date on the card. If you e-mail me and don't get an answer in 5 minutes, then it'll probably be 2 days before it happens. If you tell me something and DIDN'T see me write it on my hand or put it in my phone, then expect to have to tell me again.
I periodically scroll through my texts and find a bunch of "drafts" where I started to respond to people that had text me but didn't finish or hit send. They never got answered and now that person thinks I have ignored them. Crap.
If I don't call you on your birthday, then please know I thought about you AND about calling you at least a dozen times that day....but became immediately distracted each time. I will probably text you at 11pm and try to play it off.
Unfortunately, the thought doesn't always count. Right now there are two cards sitting on my kitchen counter - a thank you card and a sympathy card. They have post-its on them with the addresses of the people I got them for. It would take less than 5 minutes to mail them. They have been there for a month. The thought does NOT count because neither of those people know that I bought them cards. Epic fail.
Despite what all of this suggests, I am actually NOT totally disorganized. I am just constantly distracted. And I am not distracted because I don't care. Quite the opposite. I am distracted because I care SO MUCH, that I try to do it all and BE it all. I try to be the perfect mom, wife, big sister, cousin, niece, grand-daughter, aunt, sister-in-law, teacher, co-worker, church member, sorority member, committee member....and friend. I spread myself so thin that I end up neglecting everyone. Except my kids. They're the loudest, so they always get my attention first.
And yet, if you are my friend, know this: I love you. I will be honest with you (sorry about that). I will FIGHT for you. I will protect you. I will give you anything you need - even as literal as the shirt off of my back (or my bra - I gave a friend my bra one time....it's a long story). I will stop what I'm doing to help you. I will come over and cook or clean for you if you can't. I will babysit your kids, no questions asked. (I will not get distracted and forget they're here, promise.)
I might forget to call you on your birthday. I might say something overly honest and offend you. I might embarrass you in public. (Don't worry - I embarrass myself too.) You might have to convince me that you DON'T need me to put on war paint if someone does you wrong.
Just know, however, that my heart is in the right place...and I AM trying.
So to all my friends - love y'all! (Poor souls.)
♥M
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