Not THAT Kind of Dance Mom

My oldest daughter is in her third year of dance and for the most part it's all been a very pleasant experience.  She's always enjoyed it and I've never had to "make" her be an active participant.  There have been moments here and there where I panicked that I was being one of thooooose "dance moms" and pressuring her...like when she didn't want to hold still for me to put her hair up at recital time, or she cried about putting tights on with her leotard.  I feel guilty about those things until she gets to class or goes on stage and I see that big smile and watch how much she enjoys it all.

Tonight was a totally different story.  I don't know if she didn't have a nap, has preschooler PMS, or just had a bad day, but the kid was a mess at class.  She was 100% fine on the way there, willingly bounced into class, then it all just went to hell.  I heard crying and thought "That SOUNDS like Jace, but it can't be...she never cries about dance."  Oh, but it was.  When I went into her classroom she was standing there crying like her heart was broken.  So naturally, mine broke.

Apparently, she was having a meltdown over being in the front row of the routine they were practicing.  Um, what?  I stood there for a few minutes, desperately doing "please stop" hand signals, but that didn't work (shocking, I know).  I waited a few more minutes then tiptoed across the back of the class and squatted down in front of her.  "What's wrong, baby?"  I got zero as far as coherent responses go.  I hugged her for a few minutes...no good.  I took her to the bathroom and cleaned her face and got her to calm down.  She still couldn't tell me what was wrong.

What to do?!  I don't know what's wrong, so I can't fix it.  She wants to go home, but I don't know what the right thing to do is!  I don't want to let her think that throwing a fit gets mom to swoop in and take over!  But I don't want her to cry either!  Uggggh!

I tried a firm approach.  "You have to go back to class. Ballet is over and it's time for Tap.  Your class needs you in there because you're starting recital routines tonight.  If you walk out and quit that's not fair to your friends.  You can't just quit things because you're having a bad time.  We're not leaving."  More tears.  I left her in class thinking she'd dry it up in a few minutes....then paced back and forth outside the classroom door, wringing my hands, listening to her cry. 

Her Ballet teacher tried to comfort her.  Her Tap teacher tried to talk to her.  No go.  The other dance moms were supportive - "She's just tired tonight.  It's Ok, they all go through a phase sometimes."  But I didn't know what to DO!  I was so torn between coddling her to make it all better and trying to "teach" her to be tough.

I took her home.  I don't know if I did the right thing, but I did what FELT right.  I could say it was because I didn't want dance to be ruined for her by forcing her to do it when she wasn't digging it....but the truth is that I just totally caved to my mom instincts and reacted to my baby being in distress.  I really wanted to make a valuable "life lesson" out of the whole thing, but I went weak in the endzone.

On the way home she laughed, smiled, and chattered away.  I lectured her on quitting things before you were done and not always crying to get your way and blah, blah, blah.  She informed me that was "ignoring me 'cause she won't worried about that."  Jesus help me.

Oh, and why WAS she upset to begin with?  If you can take the word of a 4-yr-old about anything after the fact (She can remember what county the fair we went last to summer was in, but has no clue what she did with my car keys just that morning, when I'm late for work) - she was upset because she didn't like the song that the teacher picked for their routine (The Candy Man by Sammy Davis Jr.).  It's a "boy song" and she wants her ballet routine for the recital to be done to the song "I Love It" by Icona Pop.  *forehead slap*

♥M

P.S. Remember those supportive dance moms I mentioned?  So just as I'm feeling really crappy and thinking about all the ways I totally screwed the whole situation up and all the different things I coulda/shoulda said and done...I get this text:

"Loved the way you handled Jace tonight at dance.  You were so loving and maternal.  I have a bad habit of worrying about what others think in situations like that and expecting my daughter to perform and act like a grown-up.  Thanks for being a good example to me...that will stick with me. :)"

Shut the front door, people.  Me?!  A good example?!  I'm not sure I agree, but I am surely flattered and definitely grateful for such kind words.  What a mom-boost!  And who's really the example for who?  As far as I'm concerned, SHE set the example for me - when we think another mom is doing a good job, TELL THEM.  You never know when they may be feeling like crap and NEED to hear something so simple as "Good job, mama!"  ♥