The Rugged Maniac



As you will have noticed with this post, I did in fact survive the 5K obstacle course that all of my training posts were in reference to...

High on Aspiration...Low on Ability

High on Aspiration...Low on Ability - Part 2

High on Aspiration...Low on Ability - Part 3

High on Aspiration...Low on Ability - Part 4

High on Aspiration...Low on Ability - Part 5

I have to admit, I had really psyched myself out about this Rugged Maniac race...and it wasn't that bad. 

I don't mean that I was some total badass that dominated every obstacle and sprinted the whole course.  Not even close.  I did TRY every obstacle and only failed at two; but there was definitely more than one challenge that required teamwork and a helping hand (or two). 

What impressed me thoroughly about the whole thing, however, was the whole atmosphere of the "race."  All of the super competitive, every-man-for-himself types must have been in the first few waves of runners; because, by my 10:45am heat, the whole attitude was one of FUN, "go at your own pace," and "we're all in this together." 

I had a blast, and told my brother-in-law when we finished, "I feel like I could climb a mountain right now!  I CAN'T!  But I FEEL like I could!"

And since my dedicated readers seem to remain loyal, despite the fact that I constantly remind you what a crazy person I am, I will share my 3 HUGE pre-race fears with you:

1. My contacts...because if I lose one, then I can't see (duh).  Like (-7/20) Rx can't see.

2. My hair...yeah, yeah, I might not spend a lot of time on it, but I do try to make sure I won't be mortally embarrassed if I see someone I know when I leave the house.  What if I lose my headband?!  What if my bobby pins come out and my bangs end up standing straight up with mud?!  These are valid female concerns.

And speaking of female concerns...

3. My lady parts...I am sooooo sorry right now for my male readers, but let's get real - no lady wants her undies full of mud.  And for those that were worried about it, I did remember to wear undies - you're welcome (Freaky Friday).

I am happy to report that none of  my fears were realized; and I was a well-sighted, mostly comfortable person with respectable enough looking hair - including my headband - at the end of the race.

The course itself was 3.1 miles long and had the following obstacles:

1. Small Walls  - After a decent trail run over pretty clumsy-person-dangerous terrain, we arrived at two pieces of plywood that we were supposed to jump over.  Yeah, I climbed over them.  Carefully.

2. A-frames - A huge wooden A-frame ladder...only the "rungs" were like 3 feet or more apart.  These were my favorite because I actually climbed up, over, and down like a spider monkey and that made me feel super cool.  I did take a kick to the throat by an excited guy next to me, but he said, "Sorry," so I forgave him.

3. Mud Crawl - Crawling in mud...under BARBED WIRE?!  Um, no thanks on getting sliced up.  I went a little overboard on staying low here, because I have been known to miscalculate the size of my derriere and bump into things.  Not that big of a deal if it's like, a table, but a super huge deal if it's like, BARBED WIRE.  So I stayed almost totally flat in a push-up position and drug myself through the mud by my arms.  A good workout, to say the least (but my bum stayed safe).

4. Jump Trench - When I got to these huge pits in the ground, I thought, "Crap."  I have NO confidence in my ability to jump over things.  I clench up in the air and drop like a rock.  My landings are terrible, even if they are on my feet.  I got a running start, held my breath, and made it over about three or four of the pits before I got to one that was like, 5 FEET across and I screeched to a halt immediately.  I am not Batman - I will not pretend that I can jump that far.  That is the one and only thing I refused to do all day, and I walked around it.  I finished jumping over the rest of the totally reasonable, albeit terrifying, 3-4 foot wide pits and carried on.

5. Crawling Trenches - MORE BARBED WIRE!?  Back on my stomach, but this time I frog kicked/army crawled through the mud, under that danged barbed wire.  I am positive that THIS will be the ONE thing that they got a picture of all day.

6. Mud Pit - It was a pit...of mud.  Naturally, I got stuck and had to hold onto to a super sweet girl who took pity on me, and pulled myself out of the quicksand-ish mud.  At this point, I am already starting to be annoyed by all of the MUD.  Really unfortunate considering I had 19 more obstacles to go through.

7. Buoys - Huge pit of muddy water lined with buoys.  People were swimming under them.  They obviously didn't wear contacts.  I climbed over them all (very gracefully, I might add).

8. Tall Walls - These were huge plywood "walls" that you were supposedly going to be able to pull yourself up and over.  What am I, a Navy Seal?!  Basically, my brother-in-law boosted me as high as he could and I grabbed the top and pulled myself up onto my stomach, slowly did a 180, and fell over the other side. Then, I got my entire right leg stuck in mud up to my thigh and the trusty brother-in-law had to hold my arm while I horse-kicked my leg out of the mud (very UNgracefully, I might add).

9. Ladder Walls - Basically a repeat of #2.

10.  Show Catcher - Appropriately named, this involved wading through muddy water that dropped off in random places and varied from knee-depth to chest-depth mayhem.  Then, you got to a straight up wall of slick mud....that you were expected to climb up.  The ONLY reason I made it over was because of some awesome people that took it upon themselves to lay across the top and hold their hands down to help.  I really hope they were from out-of-state (and that I never see them again) because once I had run-climbed the wall as high as I could, they helped haul me over the top - but I landed like, ON them...and rolled down the other side. 

11. Bag Carry - This one made me laugh.  You had to throw a weighted sack across your shoulders and run to the next stop.  Please.  I carry one 30-lb. kid AND one 40-lb. kid on my shoulders/back/hips on a regular basis - at the same time.  These people should be ashamed to tell any mom that this was an "obstacle."

12. Tube Crawl - You slid down a tube, landed in mud, waded through it, and climbed up another tube.  It was harder than it sounds.

13. Pole Hop - This is an inaccuracy on their itinerary - THERE WAS MORE BARBED WIRE!  This time I just lay down in front of it and log-rolled under the whole she-bang.  Great plan, except I had no sense of time and space when I stood up on the other side.  I had to climb the mud hill on the other side at a diagonal angle because I was so dizzy, I wasn't sure where the ground was.

14. Ring Cross - These were rings that you had to swing from one to the other across a pit of muddy water.  This was the first EPIC fail I had.  My hands were so muddy that as soon as I jumped off of the platform and went to swing from one ring to the next, my hands slipped, and I went swimming.  I had to do the climb of shame out of the water hole. 

15. Mulch Climb - This was a GIGANTIC mountain of mulch that you had to literally run up and then down.  I want to know what they did with it afterwards, because my front yard is looking kind of shabby right now...

16. Balance Beam - Literally a balance beam (across a pit of muddy water, of course).  I rocked this.  All you had to do was walk...quickly and carefully.  Score.

17. Twin Peaks - I dunno what this name is supposed to mean, but what it was - in real life - was a scarily forever-long, mud tunnel under the ground that you were SUPPOSED to crawl through; but my knees and shins were so shredded at this point that I couldn't.  Instead, I crouched/squatted and used my fingertips to walk through the tunnel Orangutan-style.  Luckily it was dark, so no one could see this.  Another stupendous workout.

18. Seesaw - You had to run up a huge seesaw and then down the other side.  It looked really scary, but was easy enough to boost my confidence and lead me to believe I could try the next thing...

19. Ninja - Four boards, set at an angle, diagonally from each other, over a pit - you are SUPPOSED to "Ninja-leap" from one to the other.  I ran, jumped, and after hitting the first board, my confidence died an immediate death - I called it quits mid-air and dropped into the pit.  Epic fail #2.

20. Mount Maniac - Another appropriately named obstacle.  This was the one that I NEVER would have done, nor probably EVER could do, without help.  There was an insanely high wooden wall you had to get to the top of...then a rope wall to climb across AND up...then a slide to go down.  The wooden wall you had to "climb" was ridiculous, and if my brother-in-law hadn't pushed me while another guy pulled me, I wouldn't have made it.  I needed the guy at the top because my hands were covered in mud and and even though I could jump and grab the top of the wall, I kept slipping.  He grabbed my arm after my hands slipped the last time and ended up completely pulling me over the top of the wall.  At one point he asked me, "Are you Ok? Do you have a grip?" and I told him, "NO!  If you let go, I will fall and take down all of the people under me!!!"  He yanked me over the top and I thanked him (again, hoping he was from out-of-state).  After that, the rope floor/wall was no problem.  BUT - the slide scared the crap out of me.  Sitting at the top of it and looking down was intense.  I almost climbed back down the wall.  A girl offered to push me...but that freaked me out even more, so I just closed my eyes and did it.  Phew!

21. Superhero - We swam through....you guessed it!  Muddy water.

22. Crawl Under - MUD.

23. Pit - MUD.

24. Cargo climb - Running up...and then down...a mountain of...MUD.

25. Fire Jump - Running and jumping over three separate rows of burning logs.  Terrifying stuff for a clumsy jumper, by the way.

And then...THE FINISH LINE!  1 hour and 45 minutes after leaving the starting line, we were DONE!  It felt...insanely euphoric.  Enough so that people were actually getting ENGAGED at the finish line.  I couldn't see well enough to tell if there was a ring, and it was actually planned, or they were just CRAZY high off of the race and acting on endorphins.  My brother-in-law and I watched that madness, celebrated with a respectably brief hug and then then bee-lined to the truck to grab our phones and snap pics of each other to send to our spouses.  We're definitely bonded for life after this, but not in a Jerry Springer kind of way.  (I live in a small town, I have to state these things, sorry.)

Because I was so invincible after my race, I decided I would take advantage of my "free beer" wristband that came with my race registration.  I have been through college (including being a sorority girl) and have NEVER been able to drink a beer.  But I was a Rugged Maniac now!  Surely I could drink a beer!?  Phew - I tried.  I ended up sipping on it for 30 minutes and then had to pass it off on my brother-in-law.  Apparently, I am not THAT rugged yet.  *Gag!*

Did I enjoy it?  YES.  Will I do it again? YES.  Am I insane?  YES.

The fact that the whole thing was like a personal challenge rolled into a team-building exercise was awesome.  Hopefully, next year we can talk some people into joining us and make a whole team!  The sense of accomplishment when you cross that finish line - it's like no other!

"You are never late to live."

♥M

The Race to Parenthood 5K

Before I share my 5K experience, I wanted to just tell you a little bit about the race and what it was for.  The Race to Parenthood is "a fundraising platform for those who wish to start a family, but require fertility treatments or adoption to do so. Many couples require additional financial assistance to pay for IVF, IUI, adoption, or surrogacy – our organization seeks to provide a way to help those who cannot afford to fund their path to parenthood."  As someone who has NOT had to struggle to conceive, carry, or give birth to a baby....it breaks my heart to even attempt to imagine a reality in which you are denied this experience.  So whether you agree or disagree with IVF, IUI, surrogacy, or adoption, just remember - we are all following our own path in life, we all have a purpose, and we all have to trust that God's plan is better than ours.  How do you know that part of your purpose isn't to help other's follow their path?  Well, you DON'T know - so it wouldn't kill you to get off your Judgey McJudgerson bench long enough to try it out.  If you have the urge to do so, like, right now - just go to the website http://theracetoparenthood5k.com/ and make a donation.  The race is over, but they are still taking donations for each couple.  Or, if it's too hard to choose one (I couldn't do it either - I was randomly assigned a team when I registered), you can actually make ONE donation that they will split for you across all 7 of the couples.

End of public service announcements.

Let's start with what time I arrived at the race.  The race that started at 9:00am.  If you guessed 8:52am, you would be correct.  WHY?!  Because that's what I do.  I live on the edge like that.  Also, we had no idea where we were going, which left us dependant on a GPS - a GPS that kept losing it's signal.  ALSO, on the way there, I became struck with a new, overwhelming fear that I would have to pee while I was running the race.  So I made the hubs stop at a gas station.  Well, 3 gas stations actually, because the first two didn't have restrooms.

I slid right into the lineup though, no biggie.  I had my earbuds, my Map My Run app, my hubs wishing me luck...it was exciting!  Until I saw the whole thing kicked off with a big 'ol hill.  Nuh uh, Jack - I resolved to NOT trip, injure, pee, or otherwise embarrass myself today (or at least not in the first mile) so I will walk up the hill, THEN run, thank you.  "What are you doing?!" shouts the hubs.  "Uhhh, warming up!!!" I shout back. 

Once I got going it was...fun.  (Running?!  Fun?!)  I felt great, I was energized by the people around me, and the view was really nice.  Trees, water, people waving and cheering you on - but not too many people, because that would have been another problem.  I even managed to grab a cup of water from a volunteer without falling on my face or smacking the cup from her hand to the ground!  I was reciting "rules" in my head, "Ok, say thank you....Did I just shout at her? I'm not sure, I can't hear myself over my music...Crap, I'm spilling this...Oh yeah, remember to squeeze the rim so you don't dump it on yourself....Yeah, I still spilled it everywhere, oh well...What are people doing with their cups? Is this a "toss on the ground" kind of run? Nope, I see no cups on the ground....Here comes the trashcan....HA! I made it!  Tossing cups into trashcans level: Expert."  I didn't want to push my luck, though, so I politely declined water at the second table.  Too much risk involved, and I don't usually drink on a 3 mile run anyway, so why take the chance of ruining my good fortune by getting fancy with water cups. 

I was feeling so proud of myself, that I didn't even mind the 8 year-olds, 60 year-olds, or Moms with jogging strollers running past me.  My goal was just to make it to the finish line.  And when I did cross the finish line....it was pretty awesome.  The announcer said my name, bib number, and time, people took pictures, and I kind of felt like a rock star.  A really sweaty, red-faced, oxygen-deprived rock star.  I did not have to go to the first-aid tent, there were no defibrillators involved, I didn't have to lay on the pavement and ask the hubs to drag me to the car by my ankles - a great finish, in my opinion. 

After securing some hydration, and asking the hubs exactly how far ahead of me had the lady with the newborn finished, I checked my times on my app.  "OMG...I averaged 10 and 1/2 minute miles?!"  Yes, I do realize this is still a "turtle in peanut-butter" type of pace.  For me, though?  That's phenomenal.  I usually average 13 minute miles.  Apparently, having people cheer for you while you run is a real boost.  I need to look into how I can make that happen on a daily basis...

I also checked my stats online tonight from the chip on my race bib.  Overall, out of 349 people, I finished as lucky #100!  For my age category (20-29), I was the 15th out of 58 females to finish.  Because I am a strange person and I like numbers that you count by fives, these numbers make me very happy.  (This would be really useful information to have if you were to ever ride in my car, because I would be extremely annoyed with you if you were to say, change the volume of the radio to 21 instead of 20 or 25.)

I think we all know, however, that there is NO WAY that I did not have at least ONE awkward moment in this day.  Fear not!  I never disappoint you in that area!  While strolling around, checking out vendors after the race, the hubs and I ran into one of my sorority sisters from college.  One of my classic awkward moves is to hug people who are not "huggers," so I went ahead and took care of that straightaway.  Ok, awkward hug - check.  What can I do to make this worse?  Hmmm...how about be oblivious to the fact that she was one of the sponsored couples.  I hadn't recognized her married name on the website, and I guess her picture being next to it wasn't enough to help me make any connections.  Did I realize this while we were talking?  No, of course not!  I said NOTHING to the effect of acknowledging that the entire event was a fundraiser for her, her husband and 6 other couples.  So dear readers, you are welcome - I managed to slip at least one classic M-savvy moment in there.

And there you have it.  I survived my first 5K!  Now that I know I can run 3.1 miles, it's time to concentrate on being able to make it through those obstacles for the Rugged Manic in a few weeks.  Again, my goal is survival rather than finesse.  I like to set the bar low enough for the allowance of pleasant surprises when it comes to my athletic feats.  "Don't die" seems about as low as you can set it, so I should do aaamazing!

♥M

It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
- Walt Disney

P.S. THANK YOU for all of the supportive messages and well-wishes that have been sent my way today for my race, AND throughout all of my "training."  All of the kind words and support have really been an amazing source of strength whenever I needed a push or a boost. So again, THANK YOU!

High on Aspiration, Low on Ability...Part 5

The prequels!

High on Aspiration, Low on Ability

High on Aspiration, Low on Ability....Part 2

High on Aspiration, Low on Ability....Part 3

High on Aspiration, Low on Ability....Part 4

Since I started running in January,  I've crossed a few things off of my bucket list.  I've never run a whole mile in my entire life, so all of this is really....something.  I was always one of the kids strolling around the field, getting a 20 minute mile for my Phys. Ed. test.  Now my record is 6.5 miles in one run.  I ran from my house to my parent's house, and I called my mom before I left. "Hey, if I run to your house, will you give me a lift home?  I sure as hell ain't running back."  "Oh, well I'm not home from the grocery store yet..." "Ma, I'm running there, not driving....you got a while." (1 hour and 26 minutes to be exact.  She made it home in PLENTY of time.)

I made an attempt two weeks ago to reenter the running world. I had been easing my ankle into things with the elliptical, and wasn't planning on running anywhere just yet.  BUT...the kids wanted to go see the cows in the pasture behind my parent's house.  "What does that have to do with anything?!" an inquiring mind might ask.  I really wish there was a sensical answer to that...but there isn't.

As it turns out, a sufficient level of satisfaction could not be reached by simply LOOKING at the cows.  The totally reasonable, undemanding children wanted to PET the cows.  Unfortunately, cows aren't really creatures that are known for wanting to BE petted...so they all ran away.  Luckily, the totally reasonable, undemanding children had an alternate proposal - if THEY couldn't pet the cows, the next best thing was (obviously) for ME to pet the cow for them.

There was crying and talk of depression over broken cow-petting dreams - so I did what any normal person who happened to have her running kicks on would do - I chased the stupid cows.  One of the cows stopped running (they are HUGE at arms distance, by the way) and we stood there looking at each other.  I thought we were like, bonding through eye contact or something, so I held my hand out... and it snorted at me.  Once my feet landed back on the ground from jumping out of my skin, I took off.  THAT was probably my fastest mile to date.  It's a damn shame I didn't flip my Map My Run app on before I bolted...

Then, I had a stomach bug two weeks in a row and have been all but worthless.  I think I've gotten two good runs in the past two weeks.  And by "good" I mean "I didn't throw up and/or die."

This weekend, I have my first 5K...definitely not something the kid leisurely walking 20 minute miles ever anticipated signing up for.  I'll let you know how that goes.  I do plan on surviving the race - without hitting up the first aid tent.  I did a practice run tonight (3.1 miles) and that didn't totally do me in, so things are looking good.  I had to stop and walk a few times, and I'm pretty sure I shook off a heart attack once or twice....so just the usual.  I got this!

♥M

My Daire-Devil

Anyone with more than one child knows that it is more than just possible for the same two parents to bear children that are polar opposites, it almost seems inevitable.  The hard part is recognizing their differences in such a way that you don't actually "compare" them and end up turning it into a list of pros and cons for each one.  ALL kids are different...some of their differences just stand out more than others. 

We named our second daughter Daire without even knowing what a huge joke it would turn out to be.  When she starts school, I can only imagine how many "I dare you..." jokes there will be.  And how many trips to the nurse's office will result from them.  I have no hope of her being the kind of  kid that turns down a good dare...

She was the infant that I had to literally wrap onto my body with a baby sling in order to use my arms for anything, because she insisted on being moved around, at all times.  She was the baby that was full-on crawling by 6 months old, and walking around at 9 months old.  (I was actually embarrassed to tell people how old she was when they asked because I could tell they thought I was lying every time.) 

Running and climbing were tasks whose mastery she took very seriously, and still fine-tunes her technique of around the clock.  I have pictures of her dancing on the kitchen counters, hanging from curtain rods, and standing on the entertainment center to push the buttons on the T.V.  All of those things happened in the time it took me to turn around and back again.

She's the kid who falls down, skins her knee, then pushes you off, annoyed by your comfort and attempts at first aid.  She's busy and doesn't care that the blood is dripping down onto her white socks while she runs off.  That's YOUR problem, later.

She's the kid that tells strangers "HI!" in the grocery store, will bite you if you don't pay attention to her as quickly as she would like, thrives off of having an audience, and has no limit when it comes to what she will do for a laugh. 

She's the kind of kid that strikes fear in the heart of pediatric professionals, made my dad suggest inventing an Adderal dart-gun, stopped me from judging people who use those "kid-leashes," and caused the baby-sitter to think about adding a padded room.

We've made a few feeble attempts at domesticating her.  We tried dance.  Once.  A breakdown of Daire's first (and only) dance class: 

First 15 minutes = Sat in my lap, just soaking it all in. (Ok, she's being calm!)
Next 30 minutes = Halfway participated, explored the room a little bit. (Hmm, this could actually work out!)
Last 15 minutes = Wild, heathenistic, demon-possessed behavior similar to that of "Animal" from the Muppets. (WHAT was I thinking?!)

I stood confirmed in my original theory that there was wisdom in holding off on domesticating her through the art of dance until next year.
I have been beating myself up for a while about how we never took Daire to get pictures taken for her first birthday.  Then last Saturday, we took the girls to get their pictures taken - and I was like "Oh, yeah...THIS is why we didn't go last year."  We did get a handful of really cute pictures, but at the expense of major trauma for all involved.  Daire shook all of the lighting poles violently, licked all of the glass walls repeatedly, climbed the photographer's ladder (with the photographer still on it), threw all of the props (a hysterically funny game to her, by the way), and had to be chased as far as the shoe department of the mall store we were in (then hauled back kicking and laughing) - twice.  By the time we left, the photographer was probably scripting a letter of resignation in her head and trying to decide where she would go first after work, to pick up a job application. 

Right now, you probably think that I'm complaining.  I'm not!  Daire keeps me laughing, active, jealous of her energy - and I would never trade her or change her for ANYTHING.  She is perfect and beautiful and healthy....and she marches to NO beat but her own.  When I look at her, I smile and wonder what kind of HUGE things she will accomplish one day with all of that determination, tenacity, and "Daire-devil" spirit.  Until then, I will just keep chasing after her with band-aids and ice packs...and maybe a big net, too.  (There's a thought...)

My only regret is that we don't have a reality show, so that I could at least cash in on all of the chaos.

♥M