Part III: The Baby Years
In 2009, we decided we wanted to be a family of three. In 2010, we had a perfect baby girl, and named her Jace. Jace was the equivalent of a bomb going off in our lives. It's very confusing to be in love with each other, then have this little person suddenly take over. It's not about quantity - you don't love one more than the other. It's just a different kind of love, but one that's equally intense.
We survived as well as new parents do. We were cranky from being up all night. We learned that trial and error are the ONLY way to learn what makes YOUR baby happy....NOT the 50 baby books on the coffee table or the 200 people telling you how to do everything. James was extremely supportive when I wasn't able to breastfeed, like I planned. I learned to let go of my focus on making things go the way I had planned, and instead focus on handling things the way that they went. Jace made our hearts bigger just by coming into the world. She was the best thing that had ever happened to us.
The summer after Jace turned one, people kept teasing me, "Time to have another baby!" I kept saying, "Not yet - We need a bigger house!" The teasing made me paranoid though, so I took a pregnancy test. James and I just stared at it for a few minutes....then looked at each other and busted out laughing. How in the world was this going to work?! We live in an apartment sized house, and we were drowning in paying student loans! And yet, we were over the moon excited and couldn't wait to meet Baby #2. I was, however, fully aware of the fact that I would have to hear those exact same concerns from anyone that we announced my pregnancy to. I wanted to bask in my joy a little longer...before I had to fend off all of the "helpful" people. ("Oh my God, you're going to move aren't you?!" Yes, I just took maternity leave and am pregnant again, so we can definitely spring for new digs. "How are you going to afford to pay for two kids at the sitter?!" Well, we're just going to leave one in the backyard while we're at work...it's fenced in.)
Plus, I was the matron-of-honor in an upcoming wedding, and thought it would be a pretty crap move to announce that I was pregnant in the middle of throwing bridal showers, planning a bachelorette party, and attending dress fittings. A real "look at me, not her" sort of thing. Not cool.
Somewhere between month 4 and 5, I casually announced that we were expecting. It was pretty well received, with the exception of one friend. She had been having trouble with a second pregnancy, and unfortunately my good news was not something our friendship was able to tolerate. Looking back, I understand that it was her pain that made her lash out at me; but that there was nothing I could have done to help ease her distress in my "condition." She saw my unexpected pregnancy as a slap in her face. She felt that I didn't deserve my baby because I hadn't suffered the same way she had. It didn't matter that I understood WHY she said the things she said...no amount of understanding can make words like those hurt any less. I was extremely sad to have lost her friendship, but not everything that is broken can be fixed. That included the "close as sisters" relationship we had, which I still mourn from time to time.
If it's possible to have two of the "best moments ever," then Daire's arrival was exactly as much of a "best" as Jace's. She was an even bigger bomb in our lives, however. The thing about Baby #2, is that they don't just change the lives of you and your spouse....they turn Baby #1's life upside down too. Poor Jace was so torn between being just as in love with Daire as we were, and also being insanely jealous. Nothing stayed the same for any of us. Our house, our schedules, our SLEEP, how we divided our attention...everything changed. We had the whole "new baby" thing under our belt, but "new baby plus toddler" was nothing short of something I'm still waiting on a trophy for.
The first year of "baby plus toddler" was hard, the second year was bumpy, but now we're hitting smoother patches. The girls are sharing a room (as opposed to us sharing OUR room...with either of them). They can both talk now (not always a good thing). They are both fully mobile (definitely not always a good thing) and decently independent. The big one can even dress herself! Woohoo!
Our endurance, tolerance, and patience have been tested daily throughout these baby years, but we do get more sleep than we did a year ago - and THAT is always lovely. The fact that they are both girls makes for a lot of drama-handling and regular doses of theatrics; but I'm trying to study and gain knowledge daily on diffusing these intense meltdowns....otherwise I'm not sure how we'll all fare through their pubescent years.
All we can do is march forward, like good parent-soldiers, and take comfort in the fact that we are facing these challenges together. We'll need each other to lean on in the years to come, that's for sure; because with what I've seen of this parenting stuff so far - it is NOT for those of a weak spirit...or a weak stomach.
♥M
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